Author Archives: Victoria Pratt

Who Writes the Wedding Thank You Notes?

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I have yet to receive a wedding thank you note in the groom’s handwriting (to be extremely fair I have received very few wedding thank you notes to make a complete analysis), but Jaya assures me that her husband wrote exactly half of their thank you notes. So it got us wondering how other couples had broken up the thank you note duties. Was your division fair? Did you swap families (I think this is cute because it gives your families a good impression of your new spouse)? Vote in our poll and then give us details in the comments.

 

 

 

Traditional Anniversary Gifts

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This is the only thing made of tin with which I am familiar.

This is the only thing made of tin with which I am familiar.

Have an anniversary coming up and don’t know what to get your partner? These are the traditional anniversary gifts for each milestone year:

1st: paper

5th: wood

10th: tin (is anything even made out of tin anymore?)

15th: crystal

20th: china

25: silver

50th: gold

75th: diamond

Now, Emily Post says that guests attending an anniversary party are supposed to bring the appropriate category of gift. However, I think celebrating anniversaries that are not your own is SUPER WEIRD and except for a 50th anniversary, they should not be public things. My grandparents had a MARVELOUS 50th anniversary party and as far as I know, no one brought gifts (my cousins and I had to wear color-coded teeshirts to make it clear which of my grandparent’s five kids we belonged to, which, at 12, was gift enough.)

Paddington Bear is the Politest Bear

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Paddington Bear has his own statue at Paddington Station! [Via Wikimedia Commons

Before I picked up A Bear Called Paddington recently, all I could remember about Paddington Bear was that he wore a navy toggle coat and a red hat and came from Peru. I also, unfortunately, remember the time when my sister was in pre-school and I was a little bit older, she brought home some kind of class book that had a line drawing of Paddington in it and I took it upon myself to color him in. My mom was furious and marched me in to apologize to the teacher for defacing school property. Pretty good parenting, but a mortifying memory for me.

It turns out that the Paddington Bear books are extremely lovely stories about an ACTUAL bear who is adopted by the Brown family. For some reason, all this time, I assumed that Paddington was a stuffed, toy bear that could talk (because that makes much more logical sense?) Paddington loves marmelade and is always getting into scrapes. He is also extremely polite.

  • Right from beginning, Paddington shows his good manners when he is introducing himself to Mr. and Mrs. Brown: “The bear raised its hat politely—twice. ‘I haven’t really got a name,’ he said. ‘Only a Peruvian one which no one can understand.'”
  • Paddington demonstrates his respect towards his elders by always addressing adults by their title. Even though they’ve adopted him, he always calls his caretakers Mr. and Mrs. Brown: “Paddington licked his lips. ‘I’m very thirsty,’ he said. ‘Seawater makes you thirsty.’ He picked up his suitcase, pulled his hat down firmly over his head, and waved a paw politely in the direction of the buffet. ‘After you, Mr. Brown.'”
  • While he waits for Mr. Brown to bring them some food and tea, he spies a half eaten bun on the table but the waitress scoops it away befoe he has a chance to say anything: “‘You don’t want that, dearie,’ she said, giving him a friendly pat. ‘You don’t know where it’s been.’
    Paddington felt so empty he didn’t really mind where it had been, but he was much too polite to say anything.”
  • Sometimes, however, Paddington’s attempts to be polite and helpful go awry: “The taxi driver jumped at the sound of Paddington’s voice and narrowly missed hitting a bus. He looked down at his shoulder and glared. ‘Cream!’ he said bitterly. ‘All over me new coat!’ Judy giggled, and Mr. and Mrs. Brown exchanged glances. Mr. Brown peered at the meter. He half expected to see a sign go up saying they had to pay another fifty pence. ‘I beg your pardon,’ said Paddington. He bent forward and tried to rub the stain off with his other paw. Several bun crumbs and a smear of jam added themselves mysteriously to the taxi driver’s coat. The driver gave Paddington a long, hard look. Paddington raised his hat, and the driver slammed the window shut again.”
  • While Paddington is very polite, sometimes he has a hard time actually showing correct etiquette. He IS a bear afterall, and things like eating breakfast in bed can be quite tricky even for well-mannered people: ‘Now, I wonder what she means by that?’ said Paddington. But he didn’t worry about it for very long. There was far too much to do. It was the first time he had ever had breakfast in bed, and he soon found it wasn’t quite so easy as it looked. First of all he had trouble with the grapefruit. Every time he pressed it with his spoon a long stream of juice shot up and hit him in the eye, which was very painful. And all the time he was worried because the bacon and eggs were getting cold. Then there was the question of the marmalade. He wanted to leave room for the marmalade.”
  • He even has quite a disaster on a trip to the theater. His family is helping him take off his coat and get him settled in his seat, but: “‘Mind my marmalade sandwich!’ cried Paddington as [Judy] placed it on the ledge in front of him. But it was too late. He looked round guiltily. ‘Crikey!’ said Jonathan. ‘It’s fallen on someone’s head!’ He looked over the edge of the box. ‘It’s that man with the bald head. He looks jolly cross.’
    ‘Oh, Paddington!’ Mrs. Brown looked despairingly at him. ‘Do you have to bring marmalade sandwiches to the theater?’

Paddington Bear is so charming and funny that it is pretty appealing even to adults that I read the first book the whole way through. It’s always nice to see, too, when a beloved children’s character is also an example of good etiquette.

Paul Walker: Etiquette Hero

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Who misses early 2000s hair?? *swoon*

Who misses early 2000s hair?? *swoon*

Previously: Julie Andrews is an Etiquette Icon in The Princess Diaries and Emily Gilmore: Etiquette Hero

I distinctly remember seeing The Fast and the Furious in the theater with my dad and my sister and loving it. The movie came out mere months before I got my driver’s license and probably influenced my *ahem* slight lead foot. It definitely influenced my decision in high school to date someone with a “racing” car with a ridiculous spoiler and to ride along with that person in at least one drag race (we lost to a Camaro- the F&F rule about American muscle comes true again). Later, I continued to enjoy seeing all the movies as they came out, but it wasn’t until a recent re-watch of the first film that I realized that within the rules of the movie universe (breaking laws and getting into fights is an acceptable thing to do), Paul Walker as Brian O’Connell shows flawless manners and gentlemanly behavior throughout the first two movies. After that, as the series turned towards heist movies focused on the overall group and the ability to spent time on the etiquette details is sadly diminished. Overall, the rest of the movies are also more focused on the heists and not as much on group dynamics and the rules of street racing, thus the opportunities to show etiquette are diminished. The other movies are still great! This blog is just not Uncommon Heists, unfortunately, so I will only be discussing The Fast and the Furious and 2 Fast 2 Furious.

Many spoilers ahead. If you are not already extremely familiar with the Fast and Furious franchise, please re-examine your life choices ASAP.

The Fast and The Furious Etiquette Highlights

  • Brian O’Connor always says thank you. This is such a lovely character detail, I can’t get over it.
  • Not a Brian O’Connor moment, but there are a lot of girls in very short skirts getting out of very low cars in this movie and they do a great job of doing it gracefully.
  • After Brian rescues Dom (Vin Diesel) from the cops, Dom invites him into the party at his house, fantastic etiquette, Dom! He also takes a beer from Vince who keeps fighting with Brian and give it to him. This is not good etiquette, it’s gross, but I see what they were trying to do here.
  • Vince shows very poor etiquette for wanting to walk out of the barbeque when he sees that Brian is there. Of course, when he comes crawling back, Dom shows his good hosting skills by graciously accepting him.
  • Speaking of the barbeque scene, Dom has a really great rule- whoever reaches for the chicken first says grace. Jesse comes up with this: “Dear heavenly spirit, thank you for providing us with the direct port nitrous injection, four-core intercoolers, an’ ball-bearing turbos, and… um… titanium valve springs. Thank you. (When asked to say grace, keep it simple or try this very secular prayer that I have adapted to great use: “For what we are about to receive, let us be truly thankful.”)
  • Brian continues to show his good manners (and interest in Mia) by helping her do the dishes- “the cook doesn’t clean where I come from” (always a good rule to live by!)
  • When Brian takes Mia out to dinner, he picks up the check. Awww, chivalry.
  • There’s a scene where Brian and Dom race a Ferrari on the PCH, and the Ferrari guy is super rude when he says that it’s more than they can afford (tbh, it’s also rude that Brian even ASKS!), and I mean come on, a guy in another fancy car can’t tell with his EYES that you are driving a Ferrari, you have to point it out?
  • Racing rules have to be followed too. When Jesse bets his car and loses, he panics and runs off. By breaking his bet, he ends up getting murdered, which is etiquette really taken to a ridiculous extreme.
  • Saving face and keeping a good reputation are extremely important in this culture of machismo, so when Tran accuses Dom of narcing on him, Dom beats him badly. This is clearly not the way to work out your differences.
  • Ultimately, Brian keeps his promise to Dom about giving him a 10 second car when he gives him his car and allows him to escape the cops at the end. Because he is a stand up guy.

 

2 Fast 2 Furious

  • The movie opens with a phenomenal race including using a bridge as a ramp. After Brian wins (and Suki comes in 2nd place…almost making up for a tiny bit of the rampant misogyny in the franchise), he tips out a portion of his earnings to Tej, the guy who organized the race.
  • When Brian and Roman  get the job as drivers for Carter Verone, they are sitting down to lunch. When Carter joins them, Brian starts to stand as a sign of respect until Carter waves him down. (Although weirdly he didn’t stand up when Monica [Eva Mendez] joined them- traditionally, seated men were supposed to stand when a woman joined them, though obviously we don’t do that anymore.)
  • Brian is also skilled at polite introductions, introducing Roman to Tej with aplomb.
  • Brian does make a small etiquette blunder when he asks Tej if Roman can stay with him when Tej clearly doesn’t want to.

The Fast and Furious movies are obviously not brimming over with good etiquette, but it is impressive that the characterization of Brian O’Connor makes any nods towards etiquette at all given the action movie genre. Maybe the 7th movie will bring back a look at good etiquette? I’ll let you know, I’m seeing it tonight.

 

 

 

The Good Guy Discount

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[via Wikimedia Commons]

These days, the “Good Guy Discount” has been getting a lot of press. Basically it entails asking for a discount for no other reason than “I’m a good guy, you’re a good guy, so maybe you could give me a discount.” Barf.

Recently, This American Life talked about this good guy discount, and I loved that it didn’t go in the direction I had expected. They sent out a reporter to three different stores where he asked for the good guy discount. He was actually successful in once instance, but ultimately felt that it was “smarmy” and like saying “the thing I’m going to do as a good guy is ask you to do me a favor and cost yourself money, that’s what a good guy I am.”

This has been the problem I have had since the first time I heard about the “Good Guy Discount.” Only a person who is not a good guy asks for a discount for no reason. It’s super pressurey and puts the sales person on the spot when they are already in a position where they don’t have much power. And it is always bad etiquette to make someone feel uncomfortable unnecessarily.

The best way to get a discount is to a) have a good reason (some kind of damage, paying in cash (but only in the type of situation where it is strongly more desirable to get cash), or just genuinely being a good guy. I have most often been given discounts when I didn’t ask for them, and I guess seemed really excited about what I was buying (also sometimes it helps to walk away and think about it and come back). But also, this has MOSTLY happened to me at antiques/vintage clothes fairs where there is expected to be some degree of haggling and you are dealing directly with the owner and they have high incentive to sell as much as possible.