Paddington Bear is the Politest Bear

Paddington Bear has his own statue at Paddington Station! [Via Wikimedia Commons

Before I picked up A Bear Called Paddington recently, all I could remember about Paddington Bear was that he wore a navy toggle coat and a red hat and came from Peru. I also, unfortunately, remember the time when my sister was in pre-school and I was a little bit older, she brought home some kind of class book that had a line drawing of Paddington in it and I took it upon myself to color him in. My mom was furious and marched me in to apologize to the teacher for defacing school property. Pretty good parenting, but a mortifying memory for me.

It turns out that the Paddington Bear books are extremely lovely stories about an ACTUAL bear who is adopted by the Brown family. For some reason, all this time, I assumed that Paddington was a stuffed, toy bear that could talk (because that makes much more logical sense?) Paddington loves marmelade and is always getting into scrapes. He is also extremely polite.

  • Right from beginning, Paddington shows his good manners when he is introducing himself to Mr. and Mrs. Brown: “The bear raised its hat politely—twice. ‘I haven’t really got a name,’ he said. ‘Only a Peruvian one which no one can understand.'”
  • Paddington demonstrates his respect towards his elders by always addressing adults by their title. Even though they’ve adopted him, he always calls his caretakers Mr. and Mrs. Brown: “Paddington licked his lips. ‘I’m very thirsty,’ he said. ‘Seawater makes you thirsty.’ He picked up his suitcase, pulled his hat down firmly over his head, and waved a paw politely in the direction of the buffet. ‘After you, Mr. Brown.'”
  • While he waits for Mr. Brown to bring them some food and tea, he spies a half eaten bun on the table but the waitress scoops it away befoe he has a chance to say anything: “‘You don’t want that, dearie,’ she said, giving him a friendly pat. ‘You don’t know where it’s been.’
    Paddington felt so empty he didn’t really mind where it had been, but he was much too polite to say anything.”
  • Sometimes, however, Paddington’s attempts to be polite and helpful go awry: “The taxi driver jumped at the sound of Paddington’s voice and narrowly missed hitting a bus. He looked down at his shoulder and glared. ‘Cream!’ he said bitterly. ‘All over me new coat!’ Judy giggled, and Mr. and Mrs. Brown exchanged glances. Mr. Brown peered at the meter. He half expected to see a sign go up saying they had to pay another fifty pence. ‘I beg your pardon,’ said Paddington. He bent forward and tried to rub the stain off with his other paw. Several bun crumbs and a smear of jam added themselves mysteriously to the taxi driver’s coat. The driver gave Paddington a long, hard look. Paddington raised his hat, and the driver slammed the window shut again.”
  • While Paddington is very polite, sometimes he has a hard time actually showing correct etiquette. He IS a bear afterall, and things like eating breakfast in bed can be quite tricky even for well-mannered people: ‘Now, I wonder what she means by that?’ said Paddington. But he didn’t worry about it for very long. There was far too much to do. It was the first time he had ever had breakfast in bed, and he soon found it wasn’t quite so easy as it looked. First of all he had trouble with the grapefruit. Every time he pressed it with his spoon a long stream of juice shot up and hit him in the eye, which was very painful. And all the time he was worried because the bacon and eggs were getting cold. Then there was the question of the marmalade. He wanted to leave room for the marmalade.”
  • He even has quite a disaster on a trip to the theater. His family is helping him take off his coat and get him settled in his seat, but: “‘Mind my marmalade sandwich!’ cried Paddington as [Judy] placed it on the ledge in front of him. But it was too late. He looked round guiltily. ‘Crikey!’ said Jonathan. ‘It’s fallen on someone’s head!’ He looked over the edge of the box. ‘It’s that man with the bald head. He looks jolly cross.’
    ‘Oh, Paddington!’ Mrs. Brown looked despairingly at him. ‘Do you have to bring marmalade sandwiches to the theater?’

Paddington Bear is so charming and funny that it is pretty appealing even to adults that I read the first book the whole way through. It’s always nice to see, too, when a beloved children’s character is also an example of good etiquette.

Paul Walker: Etiquette Hero

Who misses early 2000s hair?? *swoon*

Who misses early 2000s hair?? *swoon*

Previously: Julie Andrews is an Etiquette Icon in The Princess Diaries and Emily Gilmore: Etiquette Hero

I distinctly remember seeing The Fast and the Furious in the theater with my dad and my sister and loving it. The movie came out mere months before I got my driver’s license and probably influenced my *ahem* slight lead foot. It definitely influenced my decision in high school to date someone with a “racing” car with a ridiculous spoiler and to ride along with that person in at least one drag race (we lost to a Camaro- the F&F rule about American muscle comes true again). Later, I continued to enjoy seeing all the movies as they came out, but it wasn’t until a recent re-watch of the first film that I realized that within the rules of the movie universe (breaking laws and getting into fights is an acceptable thing to do), Paul Walker as Brian O’Connell shows flawless manners and gentlemanly behavior throughout the first two movies. After that, as the series turned towards heist movies focused on the overall group and the ability to spent time on the etiquette details is sadly diminished. Overall, the rest of the movies are also more focused on the heists and not as much on group dynamics and the rules of street racing, thus the opportunities to show etiquette are diminished. The other movies are still great! This blog is just not Uncommon Heists, unfortunately, so I will only be discussing The Fast and the Furious and 2 Fast 2 Furious.

Many spoilers ahead. If you are not already extremely familiar with the Fast and Furious franchise, please re-examine your life choices ASAP.

The Fast and The Furious Etiquette Highlights

  • Brian O’Connor always says thank you. This is such a lovely character detail, I can’t get over it.
  • Not a Brian O’Connor moment, but there are a lot of girls in very short skirts getting out of very low cars in this movie and they do a great job of doing it gracefully.
  • After Brian rescues Dom (Vin Diesel) from the cops, Dom invites him into the party at his house, fantastic etiquette, Dom! He also takes a beer from Vince who keeps fighting with Brian and give it to him. This is not good etiquette, it’s gross, but I see what they were trying to do here.
  • Vince shows very poor etiquette for wanting to walk out of the barbeque when he sees that Brian is there. Of course, when he comes crawling back, Dom shows his good hosting skills by graciously accepting him.
  • Speaking of the barbeque scene, Dom has a really great rule- whoever reaches for the chicken first says grace. Jesse comes up with this: “Dear heavenly spirit, thank you for providing us with the direct port nitrous injection, four-core intercoolers, an’ ball-bearing turbos, and… um… titanium valve springs. Thank you. (When asked to say grace, keep it simple or try this very secular prayer that I have adapted to great use: “For what we are about to receive, let us be truly thankful.”)
  • Brian continues to show his good manners (and interest in Mia) by helping her do the dishes- “the cook doesn’t clean where I come from” (always a good rule to live by!)
  • When Brian takes Mia out to dinner, he picks up the check. Awww, chivalry.
  • There’s a scene where Brian and Dom race a Ferrari on the PCH, and the Ferrari guy is super rude when he says that it’s more than they can afford (tbh, it’s also rude that Brian even ASKS!), and I mean come on, a guy in another fancy car can’t tell with his EYES that you are driving a Ferrari, you have to point it out?
  • Racing rules have to be followed too. When Jesse bets his car and loses, he panics and runs off. By breaking his bet, he ends up getting murdered, which is etiquette really taken to a ridiculous extreme.
  • Saving face and keeping a good reputation are extremely important in this culture of machismo, so when Tran accuses Dom of narcing on him, Dom beats him badly. This is clearly not the way to work out your differences.
  • Ultimately, Brian keeps his promise to Dom about giving him a 10 second car when he gives him his car and allows him to escape the cops at the end. Because he is a stand up guy.

 

2 Fast 2 Furious

  • The movie opens with a phenomenal race including using a bridge as a ramp. After Brian wins (and Suki comes in 2nd place…almost making up for a tiny bit of the rampant misogyny in the franchise), he tips out a portion of his earnings to Tej, the guy who organized the race.
  • When Brian and Roman  get the job as drivers for Carter Verone, they are sitting down to lunch. When Carter joins them, Brian starts to stand as a sign of respect until Carter waves him down. (Although weirdly he didn’t stand up when Monica [Eva Mendez] joined them- traditionally, seated men were supposed to stand when a woman joined them, though obviously we don’t do that anymore.)
  • Brian is also skilled at polite introductions, introducing Roman to Tej with aplomb.
  • Brian does make a small etiquette blunder when he asks Tej if Roman can stay with him when Tej clearly doesn’t want to.

The Fast and Furious movies are obviously not brimming over with good etiquette, but it is impressive that the characterization of Brian O’Connor makes any nods towards etiquette at all given the action movie genre. Maybe the 7th movie will bring back a look at good etiquette? I’ll let you know, I’m seeing it tonight.

 

 

 

Julie Andrews is an Etiquette Icon in The Princess Diaries

Doesn’t everyone’s grandmother tie them to a chair to learn posture?

Previously: Emily Gilmore: Etiquette Hero

I am not at all embarrassed to admit that I love The Princess Diaries. It’s great! It has royalty, a great makeover, pre-annoying Anne Hathaway [ED NOTE: What is everyone’s deal with Anne Hathaway?! She seems totally normal!], the guy from Rooney, and of course, the amazing Julie Andrews.

So in case you haven’t seen it (and we can’t be friends anymore), what happens is Anne Hathaway has bushy hair, bushy eyebrows (individually glued on, it turns out!), and glasses, so she is invisible and awkward and “ugly.” Her long lost grandmother, Julie Andrews, appears in San Francisco and tells Anne Hathaway that she is Queen Clarisse of Genovia and that Anne Hathaway is actually Amelia Mignonette Thermopolis Renaldi, Princess of Genovia. Cue much freaking out. A deal is struck that Mia will attend Princess Lessons with Queen Clarisse for a few weeks before making a decision of whether to step into her role as heir to the throne or to decline it at the grand Genovian ball (which is inexplicably being held in San Francisco.) During these Princess Lessons, Queen Clarisse dispenses great wisdom:

  • I can teach you to walk, talk, sit, stand, eat, dress, like a princess.
  • Does your bad posture affect your hearing?
  • When walking in a crowd, one is under scrutiny all the time. So we don’t schlump like this.
  • We drop the shoulders, we think tall, we tuck under and we transfer the weight from one foot to the other.
  • Princesses never cross their legs in public. Why don’t you just tuck one ankle behind the other and places the hands gracefully on the knees?
  • And so you wave to them and acknowledge them gracefully. Not quite so big because of course it’s very exhausting after a while. Waving, even more gently, you sort of say “thank you for being here today.”
  • Very good. A diplomatic answer; polite, but vague.

Mia: Grandma, is it customary in Genovia to imprison your dinner guests with Hermies scarves?

Clarisse: It’s Hermes. The scarf is merely a training tool. Eventually you will learn to sit and eat properly without it. Manners matter!

Queen Clarisse’s princess reading list:

  • Emma
  • Pride and Prejudice
  • A Room of One’s Own

Mia: Do you have any spare change?

Clarisse: No, it’s not appropriate for royalty to jingle.

 

Mia: Would you like to slide in first?

Clarisse: I never slide.

 

Other Great Etiquette Scenes:

Mia attends the Genovia State Dinner at the Embassy. She succeeds in walking down a staircase by herself, but once dinner starts, all hell breaks loose. She accidentally sets someone on fire. She takes a much too large scoop of palate cleansing sorbet and gets an instant painful headache, forcing the Genovian Prime Minister and his wife to copy her (out of a misguided sense of good manners.) Queen Clarisse remains calm and simply tries to diffuse the situation by making humorous remarks to the Japanese ambassador, who is having none of it. (Also note during this scene, Queen Clarisse is wearing a tiara, which is an appropriate even look for a formal state dinner.)

Mia tries to get everyone’s attention for a speech by tapping her glass with her knife, but naturally breaks it instead (the kind waiter say “it happens all the time” [perhaps a reference to the famous escargot scene from Pretty Woman?][ed: when I was trying to find the scene I found out that it IS a reference and is in fact the same actor (both Gary Marshall movies!)])

During the “famous Genovian pear and cheese dessert” Queen Clarisse catches Mia eating with her fingers and subtly signals to use her knife and fork. Which of course leads Mia to knock a grape off her plate and go searching under the table for it which sets off a chain of events in which a guest trips over her, knocks into the waiter who pours a pitcher of water on another guest, who jumps up bumping into another waiter who tosses a tray of fruit everywhere, which lands of the Japanese ambassador’s plate. Fortunately the ambassador who had seemed bored the whole evening bursts out laughing and everything is fine.

Mia is afraid her grandmother will be mad at her, but Clarisse says it was very funny and reminded her of her first state dinner where she knocked over a suit of armor and the spear went right through the suckling pig.

Mia takes her grandmother out for some non-royal fun (going to the Musee Mechanique, which is a real and fun place in San Francisco!) but unfortunately, Mia’s Mustang has no luck against San Francisco’s famous hills and they end up rolling backwards into a cable car. The police officer wants to arrest Mia, but with some quick thinking, Clarisse elegantly thanks them for doing their duty and bestows upon them the “Genovian Order of the Rose” thus calming the situation and convincing them to let Mia go.

And hey, all of those princess lessons worked out, because in the end, Mia chooses to be Princess of Genovia officially and for real (although, Queen Clarisse gives her a tiara to wear, and really, unmarried women aren’t supposed to wear them, even if they are princesses.)

 

And some extra wisdom from Joe the bodyguard:

No one can quit being who they really are. Not even a princess. Now you can refuse the job, but you’re a princess by birth.

Etiquette for Vampires

Previously: Etiquette for Witches

  • Falling in love with a human is a bad idea because there is always a power imbalance of extreme strength if not a huge age difference.
  • Keep your fangs sharp, it’s so much more painful for your victim when your fangs are dull.
  • You might not have a reflections but your minions/human lovers would sure appreciate a few mirrors around.
  • Don’t name your kid Renesmee.
  • Be sure to dress appropriately for all occasions. A black corset, leather pants and a cape is not appreciated in all settings!
  • Have mints available in case of any human’s garlic breath.
  • “Listen to them children of the night. What music they make.” is fine in your isolated castle, not so much in the suburbs where wolves howling is not appreciated.
  • It’s pretty rude to not engage in witty banter with a vampire slayer.
  • Make sure to clean up all the bat droppings before guests come over.
  • Be honest with your intentions.tumblr_mvjrmgpZlD1rurutpo6_500

Don’t Talk To Me In An Elevator

Awkward

Awkward

Small talk is not something everyone is going to be good at. That’s fine, just making an effort in most social situations is good enough. However, I have one rule that I try to stick to as often as possible: do not engage in a conversation unless you both have an opportunity to leave at any moment.

This doesn’t really apply with close friends and family, because presumably you want to be talking to these people and hanging out in their houses. If you run into your best friend on line at the pharmacy, chances are they’ll want to talk to you. But with acquaintances/co-workers this is a different story. For instance, last week I got in the elevator at my office as I was first coming in, and another woman (someone I don’t work with) got in with me. It was just after 9 so I was still considering this ride part of my commute, and was mentally preparing myself for the day, when she begins talking to me about how my shoes match her shirt, and weather, and whatnot. There was nowhere to run, and it is a very slow, old elevator. It was my personal hell.

I’m not a jerk (I hope) so I made the required gestures and responses, but inside I was dying. It seemed to me accepted behavior to just nod at everyone in an elevator as you get on, unless you were already talking with someone you knew as you were both waiting. And if this isn’t accepted behavior, then dammit, it should be.

In a larger sense, why would you even want to conduct a conversation when you are literally trapped with the person? You have to know they are only conversing with you out of a lack of other options, not out of any sort of enthusiasm or interest. That’s just no way to treat someone.