Ten Items or Rude?

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Just be grateful you don’t have to shop like this. via Wikimedia Commons

Dear Uncommon Courtesy,

Is there any polite way to talk to someone who has too many items in the supermarket express lane?  I’ve been behind someone like this a few times recently, and the cashiers never say or do anything, so I feel like it would be rude for me to comment.  But I think it’s also rude for them to take advantage of the system and inconvenience me.  Is there anything to do besides let it go?

Thanks,
Ten Items or Less
Official Etiquette:
Miss Manners is very serious about limits in express lanes and basically says that anyone who breaks the rule can probably justify it to themselves, so it is important never to break the rule.
Our Take:
Victoria: Oh god this question!!!!!
Jaya: Hahahaha
Victoria: I don’t even know! And also I am the worst because sometimes I have too many items, but it’s, like, just a couple over and only when the checkout lanes are FULL of people with two full carts of groceries.
Jaya: Yeah, I think there’s a big difference between if someone has 12 items, or enough to feed an apartment building. If it’s a few more, I’m more inclined to just suck it up and wait. But if someone has a full cart and the cashiers don’t say anything, I think you can point out that it’s the express lane.
Victoria: Yes, definitely. And some lines don’t even say how many items you can have!!! I would probably not say anything though, they might throw an egg at you or something! Ooh! what would be a good idea would be to write to the store and be like, “no one is enforcing the express lane item limit and i will shop somewhere that does.” Then you would feel like you had done something.
Jaya: That’s a good idea! Thouuuuugh I’m not sure the store would take that seriously. That’s like a letter to the editor complaining about a typo. It’s more for you.
Victoria: They might! Some places really do listen to that kind of thing, and if enough people complain, they are more likely to listen! So it certainly doesn’t hurt. But yeah, it will also make you feel better. And obviously movie theaters like the Austin Drafthouse and Landmark in NYC have listened to people who complain about cell phone use and really truly, strictly enforce it. Which isn’t exactly the saaaaame, but still, squeaky wheel and grease and all.
Jaya: Very true.

Thank Goodness We Don’t Have to Do That Anymore: Beauty Mark Etiquette

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Une Dame à sa Toilette by François Boucher shows a lady applying mouches

Moles are a really common human skin condition and people have found them attractive in certain configurations for centuries. Sometimes they have also attached meaning to certain placements of moles. Drawing them in has even been fashionable at times- Marilyn Monroe’s famous spot started a trend for them in the 1950s. But 18th century French aristocrats took it a step farther and glued fake spots on, in all kinds of Lucky Charms shapes, and assigned meanings to their placements.

In France, these spots were called Mouches or little flies (pretty obvious why!) and were made out of black silk, velvet, taffeta etc. They came in all kinds of shapes like circles, crescent moons, stars, and hearts (even quite elaborate shapes like horse-drawn carriages would sometimes appear!) and would be glued onto the face and décolletage (that’s the cleavagy region of the chest). In addition to their secret meanings, these little spots were also quite handy for covering up small pox scars! They would also draw attention to a certain particularly attractive feature of the face. The dark color in contrast to the skin also made the skin look paler, very much the in thing at the time. Men and women both wore them and could wear any from one to ten at a time!

Of course, all good fads need some material goods to go with them. So the French created fancy little “patch boxes” to keep their little face  stickers in. Made with tons of gold and jewels and miniature paintings, natch.

Some possible meanings for the placement of the spots:

Middle of forehead: dignified or imposing or grandeur

Corner of eye or eyelid: passionate

Middle of cheek: gallant

Cheekbone: risque

Heart-shaped (left cheek): engaged

Heart-shaped (right cheek): married

Between mouth and chin: silent

Corner of the eye: passion

On lower lip or on chin: discreet

Beside the mouth: likes to kiss

On nose: saucy or sassy

Near lip: flirtatious or seductive or even able to kill

On neck: generous

How To Grocery Shop Without Going Crazy

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Don’t smash cans on the ground

Do you like grocery shopping? I love it. I could go down every aisle a million times and look at how they’re organized, and find new things to cook with, or weird candy bars I’ve never seen before. However, I also realize mine is not the majority opinion. (I also prefer narrow, overcrowded grocery stores. The ones with the big aisles and bright lights in the suburbs give me the creeps.) For a lot of people, grocery shopping can be a hassle, in large part because you have to deal with so many other people parking and shopping and waiting on line. It’s like a people factorial, and I totally understand how it can be horrifying. So let’s talk about a few proactive ways you can make your grocery shopping experience all the better.

  • Don’t block the aisle with your cart. This can be tricky sometimes if the aisles are really narrow, but in that case just be vigilant. Stay near your cart and if you see someone is trying to get past, move. Also don’t just leave your cart in the middle of an aisle while you shop elsewhere. Maybe those people who put razor blades in candy apples on Halloween are in the store and just did that to your dinner supplies.
  • Don’t leave unwanted groceries all around the store. Ok, I’ve totally done this, but you shouldn’t. If you picked up some chicken and decide you don’t want it, don’t sneak it into the peanut butter section and pretend no one will notice. However, no one cares if you put the Cheerios back in front of the Chex. It’s the little things, right?
  • Ask where lines begin and end, not just at checkout. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been waiting at the deli counter only to have someone come in on the other side and assume they’re next. Cool it, lady, I need lunchmeat.
  • Keep an eye on your kids. Does your grocery store have one of those carts with the fake car in front for kids to sit in? Good. Use it. No one wants to accidentally run their overflowing cart into a wayward toddler. If not just make sure they’re close and not ripping through snack boxes.
  • Figure out if you need to bag your own groceries. We’ve covered this already, but figure out how to quickly and efficiently get through the checkout line.
  • Don’t take too many items into the express line. More from us on this soon, but be reasonable if you have one or two things over the limit or if there is a long line in the express line already.

How Do I Not Draw Attention To My Coworker’s Stutter

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downloadDear Uncommon Courtesy,

I work with a guy who has a pretty heavy stutter. I had a speech impediment as a kid and remember feeling embarrassed by it, so I don’t want to make him feel awkward. Is there anything I can actively do to make sure I’m not making him self conscious?

Best,

Speech Solidarity

 

OFFICIAL ETIQUETTE

Miss Manners says “it is considered rude to finish other people’s sentences.”

OUR TAKE
Victoria: So I have had friends with stutters, so I am pretty good with this.

Jaya: Oh good! Because I have no idea.

Victoria: Basically you just wait. It makes people, in my experience, much more nervous if you try to guess what they are going to or react to it at all.

Jaya: Yes, that brings a lot more attention to it and if you get frustrated, it usually makes the stutter worse.

Victoria: Yep! So I would just wait patiently and maybe glance around slightly so you aren’t STARING at them.

Jaya: Yeah. Like, be natural. Omg that’s always the worst advice though. Nothing makes you more unnatural than trying to be natural.

Victoria: Haha TRUE.

Jaya: Like “oh just make normal regular eye contact that’s not too intense.” But yeah, I’d think you just don’t want to draw attention to it, unless the person actually asks for help somehow. Also so much advice focuses on telling people not to finish stutterers sentences. WHO IS DOING THIS?? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

Thank Goodness We Don’t Have to Do That Anymore: Morganatic Marriages

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[Via Boston Public Library]

So technically, some people still might have morganatic marriages but most of us don’t.

A morganatic marriage is basically a marriage between a man (usually) of higher rank who marries a woman of lower rank and does not pass any of his titles and privileges to his wife and any resulting children. The purpose being, to allow marriage for love when it otherwise wouldn’t be allowed while still preventing undesirable children from joining lines of succession.

Morganatic marriages were most popular in Germanic countries and Russia. Ghengis Khan also practiced polyamoric morgantic marriage, where only the children from his official wife were allowed to inherit while the children from his morganatic wives were not, though they were still legitimate. Morganatic marriage was never really practiced in the UK because there was no prohibition against marrying commoners in the first place. Edward VIII proposed a morganatic marriage with Wallis Simpson so as to marry her and remain king, however parliament did not approve and we all know how that ended.

Famous Morganatic Marriages:

Archduke Franz Ferdinand and his wife Sophie. Though she was an aristocrat, Sophie was not a member of a ruling royal family, she was not eligible as a royal wife. They ended up having 3 children and were assassinated in Sarajevo, an event that kicked off World War I.

Victor Emmanuelle II of Italy and his wife (and former favorite mistress) Rosa. The first king of united Italy had a proper royal marriage to Adelaide of Austria which gave him 8 children. After she died, he married his favorite mistress in a morganatic marriage.

Marie Louise, Duchess of Parma. After the death of Napoleon Bonaparte, his wife Marie Louise married morganatically TWICE, first to Count Adam Albert von Neipperg and then to Charles René de Bombelles (her chamberlain!)