Tag Archives: Etiquette

Let’s Eat These Foods With Our Fingers Like Monsters

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We have a little etiquette secret for you. We know that your parents probably spent your entire childhood trying to get you to use a knife and fork properly, and to not just pick up food with your hands and mash it into your face like you’re a baby. But did you know there are foods you’re actually encouraged to eat with your fingers? Behold, the wonders of dining etiquette!

Anything served on a toothpick: This is pretty obvious, because what, you’re gonna pick the whole thing up with a fork and then get the toothpick in your mouth? No. Usually this is stuff like cheese cubes, olives, crudite, etc. Go ahead and use your hands.

Asparagus: Eating it with your fingers only applies if they are spears of asparagus and do not have sauce on them. In general, where there’s sauce, there are eating utensils.

Sushi: Usually Americans like to show off their chopstick skills at sushi restaurants, but sushi is really meant to be eaten with your hands. This is because many believe the delicate fish picks up the flavors of anything it touches, so metal cutlery is a big no-no.

Artichokes: I’d like to see anyone try to eat artichoke leaves with a fork. You’re supposed to rip each leaf off, dip in butter or any accompanying sauce, and then put it in your mouth and scrape the meat off with your top teeth. Charming.

Bacon: To eat bacon with your fingers, it must be crisp! If it’s soggy and limp, use a knife and fork. (ED: if it’s soggy and limp send it back to the kitchen to be cooked properly, yuck!)

Corn: Ok, so there is a way to eat corn on the cob with a knife and a fork, by sort of tilting the cob up on one end and scraping the kernels off but good lord that sounds like a recipe for sending your corn flying into the lap of the person next to you, and possibly taking out some fine china with it.  If you’re a host and you serve corn on the cob you best believe your guests should eat it with their fingers. Otherwise you’re just trying to torture them.

Pizza: Someone suggested that if pizza is heavy with toppings you are allowed to use your fork, but that just means you’re a quitter.

Tiny birds like quail, and frog’s legs: These can be picked up in the fingers, though you must avoid the appearance of gnawing.

Dinner Rolls: As we keep saying, these are broken apart with the fingers and each section is buttered individually and then eaten with the fingers.

Indian food: Lots of Indian food, especially of Northern cuisines, is served with bread, which you should use as your utensil by ripping of pieces and picking up food with it, like a little sandwich! Just make sure to use your right hand, because your left hand is reserved for…something else.

Drinking in the Office

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If the President can drink on the job, so can you. via Wikimedia Commons

Dear Uncommon Courtesy,

My new company had an “afternoon tea” to welcome new associates and all they had was beer, which I felt weird about drinking since I just started and my boss was there and she wasn’t drinking. What do you do about office drinking situations, in general?

Sincerely,

Not The Office Drunk

OFFICIAL ETIQUETTE

Most of the etiquette regarding drinking at work seems to be about holiday parties and the advice is usually to not drink too much, so I assume that also goes for all other workplace drinking as well.

OUR TAKE

Victoria:  I am pro drinking in the office, and I think with this question, if it is offered, to take it at face value and not think they are trying to trick you.

Jaya:  Oh yes. A glass of wine on a friday afternoon boosts morale so much. I think it’d be strange if all they provided was beer and expected you not to drink any, right?

Victoria:  Right! Like, why would they do that? And if they are trying to trick you, maybe its a signal of much deeper problems.

Jaya:  Though I understand the anxiety about being new and not wanting to be too enthusiastic

Victoria:  Oh yeah, especially if you are new. Though i think if you are a long time employee, then you should show enthusiasm so that the newer people know it’s okay. And if you have temps and interns, or a receptionist who is chained to the front desk, make sure that they know it’s there and are welcome to have some. bring it to them if you have to. I have temped a lot in my life and it is so nice when people make you feel included and not like a space alien who is visiting earth for a few weeks.

Jaya:  Hahaha oh no! Yeah, if it’s there, it’s meant to be enjoyed. I’ve shown no remorse over having five cookies from a platter on some coworker’s birthday, and I wouldn’t be upset about having some wine on a similar occasion. Just don’t get wasted if it’s in the middle of the day and you have to get back to work.

Victoria:  Hahah, yes, that is a very good point. Oh and don’t pressure people to drink if they decline.

Jaya:  Absolutely. You don’t know why they’re not drinking. Though, it doesn’t matter. If they don’t want to they don’t want to, whether it’s because they’re an alcoholic or they’re just not in the mood

Etiquette for Witches

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Photo courtesy of Ellen Pratt

Actual Wiccans have a great rule that “everything you put out into the world will come back to you threefold,” which is actually a really great lesson for etiquette. If you are polite, people will be polite to you. Probably.

However, today is the day before Halloween (and coincidentally, Victoria’s birthday. Jaya’s birthday was yesterday! Happy Birthday to us!) and it is the time for etiquette for Halloween-time witches:

  • Try to keep your black cat from crossing people’s paths.

  • Label your ingredients well so you don’t mix up your eye of newt and toe of frog.

  • Don’t mix your black clothes in with people’s white laundry, it will make the whites dingy.

  • Love spells are emotional manipulation and a big faux pas.

  • Wash your cauldron carefully or your roommate will be pissed when she ends up with batwings in her bouillabaisse.

  • If you keep your house on chicken feet, you will have to send out change of address notices every time you move. What a pain.

  • Take good care of your flying monkeys and they will take good care of you.

  • After riding your broom, why not give the kitchen floor a quick going over?

Etiquette for Dealing with Witches:

  • If you are a virgin, don’t ever light the black flame candle.

  • Always invite them to your wedding and baby’s baptism, it’s the only way to avoid a curse.

  • If you don’t want a witch to ride your horse, braid its mane with corn shucks.

  • Avoid touching a witch’s “Book of Shadows,” or handling their ceremonial dagger.

  • According to a guide book given to the Metropolitan Police, “do not jump to conclusions if you encounter a situation where a blindfolded, naked person is tied by their hands – you could merely have stumbled upon a pagan ritual, where such activities are normal practice.”

  • If you don’t want a witch to bother you, plant 10 pumpkin seeds in the shape of a cross outside her house.

  • If you drop a house on her sister, a witch is likely to get mad at you.

In the comments, please tell us your Halloween costume this year OR your greatest Halloween costume ever.

This year, I am dressing up as a….witch!

Help! Can I ask my hairdresser to fix my hair?

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Dear Uncommon Courtesy,

I have a question about hairdresser etiquette!

You can’t be afraid of hairdressers or you will end up looking like this.

I recently switched hairdressers (silently, shamefully, and in fact that is probably its own etiquette question, but not what I’m curious about today). I went to a new hipster barbershop/salon in my neighbourhood. I brought a photo to the stylist, let her know about some of my hair’s particularities and issues I’ve had with cuts in the past, and made it clear that while I had a cut and style in mind, she should feel free to make it work the way she thought was best for my hair. It was a nice experience, but two weeks later I have a decided cowlick situation messing with the back of my severe side part, and my curls are not sitting as full as she promised. What are your thoughts on asking a hairdresser to fix a cut that’s off? I’ve done it once before and found it VERY awkward–my then stylist and her colleague were pleasant but definitely made me feel like I didn’t know what was right for my own hair. I don’t know how long to wait (more than a week seems too long, but a few days feels like not giving the cut enough chance). and asking a new hairdresser after a first visit seems like setting a bad tone for the “relationship.” Is asking for a hairdresser to fix a cut ever okay, and is there a way to do it without harming your relationship with them?

Sincerely,

Chopped?

OFFICIAL ETIQUETTE

Yes, of course you should ask your hairdresser to fix it. Politely.

OUR TAKE

Jaya: I do think that in our everlasting desire to get rid of all vestiges of servitude, sometimes we go too far and forget that when someone has a service job, their job is to do what you pay them for. And like, not in a mean way.

Victoria:  Hahah yeah! that’s a great way of putting it

Jaya:  But if it’s a haircut, you want a nice haircut!

Victoria:  Totally. And to be honest, haircuts are really expensive.

Jaya:  Especially for women. And you can be all like “well that’s your fault, go to a barber for $10” but c’mon, your hair is a huge part of how you look, and I don’t think there’s any shame in caring about that

Victoria: Nope! I really need to not be such a baby and ask about bang trims more often.

Jaya:  Haha yeah, it’s hard to do on your own. Also, I  do think most hairdressers offer this kind of week-later check up. even if they don’t flat out say it.

Victoria:  Yeah, i think hair stylists expect to have to fix things sometimes and honestly, lots of them get cried at and yelled at, so i’m sure they appreciate a polite “could you please fix this weird thing my hair is doing.”

Jaya:  Yeah! that’s so much nicer than just freaking out.

Victoria: Or not coming back.

Jaya:  Also, they’re professionals. They know what hair is like, and if it’s your first time, duh there are gonna be cowlicks and weird head shapes they’re not going to immediately know, so it helps both of you.

Victoria:  Yep, I think they’d rather fix it and get a loyal customer.Plus then you will have a person who knows about your hair.

Jaya:  Absolutely. I made the mistake for too long of not alerting hairdressers to the weird things my hair does and once I got over that I started getting much better haircuts.

Victoria:  Hahah yeah, it’s scary to try to speak up since they are supposed to know what they are doing.

Jaya:  I think that’s the thing though. They know what they’re doing, but they’re not psychics. They don’t know your head.

Victoria:  Haha yeah, what’s inside it or what’s on it.

Jaya:  If they’re not willing to have a conversation then ok, they’re assholes and find someone else.

Victoria:  Yep.

Jaya:  But there should be a back and forth. They trust you to speak up about anything weird, you trust them to know what looks good from there.

Victoria:  And I think dye jobs too, are especially something you should ask to have fixed if they don’t come out quite right because that’s really normal.

Jaya:  Oh yeah. I’ve never really done that, but that makes sense.

Victoria:  Yeah me either, but it crops up a lot in articles about hair dressers.

Jaya:  how many articles about hair dressers are you reading?

Victoria:  I meaaaaan…

Victoria: Some.

Jaya:  Hahahaha.

Victoria:  Anyway, in sum, hairdressers are professionals and if you aren’t happy with their service, tell them and try to work something out.

Or complain on the internet and tell us your worst hairdresser stories.

Thank Goodness We Don’t Have To Do That Anymore: Dance Cards

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via Wikimedia Commons

“‘Here comes Ned Moffat. What does he want?” said Laurie, knitting his black brows as if he did not regard his young host in the light of a pleasant addition to the party.

‘He put his name down for three dances, and I suppose he’s coming for them. What a bore!’ said Meg, assuming a languid air which amused Laurie immensely.”

-Little Women

Dance cards are one of those things people are always referencing in regards to how stuffy etiquette is. They are a common trope in literature and movies about the “olden days” but how common were they really? And how were they used?

Before we get into dance cards, it is important to know a few things about balls from the early 1800s to the early 1900s. Hereby follows a brief history of social dance: In the early period (think Jane Austen times), social dancing was very formal with all the dancers dancing in a big group, moving around in figures, similar to square dancing (rent any of the many versions of Pride and Prejudice to see examples). Because of this, all the dancers had to be in place at the beginning of the dance and had to dance the whole dance.

A dance card is simply a card that was provided at large balls and dances with a list of the dances for the evening with a space beside it. The ladies would each have a card, sometimes with a small attached pencil, and when a gentleman asked her to dance, he would write his name in for a particular agreed upon dance. This was to help the lady remember who she agreed to dance with and to avoid the embarrassing situation of promising to dance the same dance with two different men. (Though I have always been confused about how the men were supposed to remember who they promised to dance with!)

Dance cards were common in Vienna for hundreds of years, but didn’t come into use in England or the US until the 1830s or so. The Viennese custom was probably introduced to the rest of Europe during the Vienna Congress of 1814/1815, which was a big meeting to settle Europe after the Napoleonic Wars. Right around this time was also a shift in dance styles from longer formal dances like the minuet to shorter dances like the waltz, meaning that there would be many more dances in an evening and more partners to remember. Because of this, ladies started taking it upon themselves to write down the names of their partners in small notebooks or on the backs of their fans. Later on, the ball organizers would have cards preprinted with the names of the dances with a space for your partner to write in his name.

Upon consulting a dozen or so etiquette books from the mid-1800s to the 1950s, it is unclear exactly how common dance cards were at any given point in time. The majority of etiquette books do not mention dance cards specifically and if anything simply allude to “being engaged for a dance.” By the time Emily Post comes along in the 1920s, she says that they are used at public balls and college dances but laments that they are unheard of in fashionable society. It seems as though when dance cards were used, they would be used to arrange to dance in the future, but if a gentleman asked a lady at the beginning of a dance if she was engaged for that dance and she was not, it would be perfectly fine for them to dance without having to write it down.

Dance cards clearly fell out of use when society, for the most part, stopped having formal, set dances. They aren’t particularly useful when you don’t have to know when the waltz, foxtrot, or rhumba are coming up. I think that later on in the early 20th century they were more of a keepsake, being highly decorated and with a list of all the dances and perhaps even the menu of refreshments, than a true way of keeping track of dance partners. Afterall, in the more modern form of social dancing, it’s much easier to quickly ask to dance than it was when dancers were set up in lines and figures that needed to be organized more in advance.

Some related ballroom etiquette:

  • If a gentleman other than your father or brother escorts you to the ball, you must give him the first dance and go into supper with him.

  • If you do accidently agree to dance with two different men for the same dance, it is better to dance with neither to avoid hurt feelings

  • You shouldn’t dance more than 2 or 3 times with the same person as the purpose of balls is to be social and mingle

  • You shouldn’t agree to dance dances when you don’t know the steps

  • If you accept an invitation to a ball you should be prepared to dance, not hang around the edges

  • A gentleman must ask a lady if she would like a refreshment after a dance, she may accept, but if she does, she shouldn’t keep him too long which might prevent him from being timely for the next dance he has promised to another

Many common sayings are derived from the use of dance cards. “To pencil someone in” comes from this practice as well as the more obvious use of “my dance card is full” to indicate a full schedule.

 

Bonus image because this dance card is a fan. via Wikimedia Commons