Curb Your Dog

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If I had this beautiful doggie, I would teach it to pee in the street. [Via Wikimedia Common]

If I had this beautiful doggie, I would teach it to pee in the street. [Via Wikimedia Common]

I didn’t grow up with a dog, so it took me years and years to figure out what “curb your dog” meant. It’s such an awkward phrase that I’m sure it takes a lot of people a long time to figure it out. It simply means to direct your dog to do it’s business in the street, over the curb, as it were.

There are a lot of reasons for this- often dogs with go on people’s lawns or flower beds and this can kill the plants. Or, as my stoop in Brooklyn can attest, urine can actually make paint peel if many dogs are going on the same spot. And if you live in an area with a lot of dogs, you’ll probably notice the fingerpaint-like streaks of feces on the sidewalk since oftentimes the owner can’t get all of it up into the bag. When the dog uses the gutter, it minimizes the damages to plants and the cleanliness of the area.

Obviously this is one of those things where you just need to do your best most of the time, but it really will make a big difference.

Am I Allowed To Have A Shower If I’m Already Married?

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Dear Uncommon Courtesy,

My husband and I eloped about 2 weeks ago. It was a lovely, perfect day together! We are planning a small reception for family and close friends in the spring.

Two close friends of my husband’s family have just offered to throw me a shower. I’ve known these ladies for several years as well and they also hosted a shower for my husband’s sister a few years ago.

I would like to take them up on this offer, but I’m wondering if it’s gauche since we’re already married. I’ll add that my husband and I have been together nearly 6 years and lived together for just over 2, so we don’t necessarily need a lot of gifts but the thought of spending a morning with the important women in my life is quite appealing.

Thanks very much!

Best,
Sorta Wants A Shower

Official Etiquette
A lot of the bastions of etiquette don’t really mention how to have a shower after the wedding, presumably because it was Just Not Done. The point of a wedding shower is to provide the bride with token gifts for her new life and household, according to Amy Vanderbilt, so holding it after the wedding, and after they’ve already presumably received wedding gifts, doesn’t make much sense.

Our Take
Jaya: I think this question gets to the heart of hour our ideas of what a shower is and means have completely changed.

Victoria: Oh yeah?

Jaya: Just from being something done to help set up the future wife’s life, and only held by certain people, to now another excuse for a party. Because if we’re going off the traditional idea of what a shower is, then this is totally gauche. But luckily we’re not doing that.

Victoria: Yeah, it’s definitely not a done thing, technically. I think the problem with shower etiquette is it’s a party being thrown for you, so you have very little control over it.

Jaya: Which is a weird thing in itself. Because if the person of honor doesn’t want the party, you’d think people would back down, but so often that leads to hurt feelings.

Victoria: I definitely think that when you offer to throw a shower, you should definitely be prepared to hear a no. This is how we get 3-4 showers happening, it’s nuts.

Jaya: Here, it sounds like LW is totally reasonable. She wants to hang out with these women in her life, and is not wanting/expecting a registry’s worth of gifts. That’s great! She just seems worried about how it’d look.

Victoria: Yeah, I think if someone is wanting to throw it, and you want it to happen, then, go ahead.

Jaya: And you can give input on what you’re comfortable with, so it doesn’t turn into a huge thing.

Victoria: Presumably only relatively close friends and family will be invited, so it’s not like you are giving the vapors to your mom’s garden club.

Jaya: That is a fantastic image. But yeah, if the thought of spending the morning with these women sounds nice, say that! You can be like “since we’re already married and living together, a traditional shower doesn’t make sense, but a ladies brunch sounds just lovely.”

Victoria: Yeah if you feel uncomfortable with a shower, call it like, a meet the bride luncheon or something. Jinx!

Jaya: And the great part is if someone does happen to think it’s gauche, it’s not your fault! You didn’t plan it!

Victoria: Exactly! And hopefully people who think it’s inappropriate, won’t come.

Life Is Like A Box Of Chocolates

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SeesToday is my birthday, and honestly, my ideal birthday present is a pound of Sees chocolates with a custom assortment of my favorites, all for me!

It turns out that there is actually etiquette for chocolate boxes if you are inclined to share them (I am not inclined)

  • Don’t poke holes in the bottoms of the chocolates so you can see what the flavor is (apparently this a thing people do. I have heard about it. These people are MONSTERS.)
  • Obviously, also don’t bite into a chocolate and then PUT IT BACK if you don’t like it.
  • The little frilly papers. These are a problem. Generally, I will say that you should take the frilly paper when you take the chocolate and throw it away. HOWEVER, with boxes of chocolates that have a little map on the bottom telling you what the flavors are, it is apparently better to leave the wrappers in place so you don’t mess up the placement of the chocolates.
  • When a box is passed around for sharing, don’t take too much time to deliberate. Just chose a chocolate and move the box on to the next person.

What are your favorite kinds of chocolates?

It’s 5 O’Clock Somewhere

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Always be Ryan Gosling or Emma Stone

Always be Ryan Gosling or Emma Stone

So you think you know about cocktails. They have alcohol and you like them.

But there is so much more to it!

Technically a cocktail is a drink with sugar, water, spirits, and bitters. Though a more modern definition is a spirit a mixer, and bitters or other flavoring. Whereas a rum and coke is a highball, or just an alcohol and a mixer. They are called highballs because they are served in a tall, highball, glass.

Other ways to take your alcohol are neat (just the spirit, in a glass), “on the rocks” (just the spirit, over ice), straight (just the spirit, chilled), or up (in a stemmed glass- a martini “straight up” would be a chilled martini in a stemmed glass). A fun way to refer to a measurement of alcohol is by fingers. If you put your finger up to the bottom of the glass and pour enough alcohol into the glass to reach the top of the finger, it’s about one ounce of alcohol, then you can ask for one finger, two fingers, etc. If you are a jokester, you can put your pointer finger and pinky finger out and call THAT two fingers, ha-ha.

There are generally two designations of spirits: top shelf and well. Top shelf is the premium expensive liquor and well is the least expensive. It took me a couple of years of going to bars in college to figure out what well meant. Usually any happy hour specials will note that they apply to well drinks. And that is generally what you will get if you ask for a whiskey and ginger or whatever. If you have a preference, you will have to specify it, or the bartender may ask.

 

How to stock a bar

To create most basic cocktails, your home bar should have:

  • Vodka
  • Rum
  • Whiskey
  • Gin
  • Tequila
  • Vermouth (both white and red)
  • Bitters
  • Mixers (should include plain club soda or seltzer, coke, 7up, ginger ale)

Barware:

  • Short glasses (rocks glass)
  • Tall glasses (highballs)
  • Wine glasses
  • Stemmed cocktail glass (a martini glass)
  • Champagne flutes
  • Cocktail shaker
  • Ice bucket/tongs
  • Jigger (you can use a regular shot glass too)

Good beginner drinks

Highballs are a great introduction to drinker liquor because they are fairly sweet and diluted. Rum and coke, whiskey and coke, whiskey and ginger ale, 7&7 (bourbon and 7up), cranberry vodka, pineapple vodka, etc are all good choices.

When you want to move up to something a bit more sophisticated, whiskey sours and margaritas.

It’s also a great idea to have something fancy and mature in your pocket for when you might be taken out to a really nice cocktail bar. Of course, it’s great if they have a menu you can pick off of, but a Manhattan, Old Fashioned, or French 75 will impress.

Etiquette:

Knowing what everything is and knowing what you like to drink is the cornerstone of drinking etiquette, but there are a few more tips to keep in mind:

  • Don’t whistle at or snap your fingers at a bartender. Be patient and they will get to you.
  • Have your order ready when they do get to you.
  • Running a tab means that you hand over your credit card and they keep track of what you are drinking and then you settle up at the end of the night. Many bars have a minimum you have to spend to run a tab. When you run a tab, you add the tip at the end.
  • If you are paying in cash, you pay when you receive each drink. Tip a dollar or two per drink each time.
  • Don’t get belligerent. If the bartender cuts you off, accept it. Relatedly, just don’t get THAT drunk anyway (but these things happen, I know.)

Etiquette In The Apple Orchard

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Fall means it’s apple picking season, and apple picking season means it’s war. Oh, you thought you’d have a photo opportunity with your toddler where you can get them to wear a fuzzy coat and sit on barrel? That’s cute. Have fun with that while you’re left with all the mushy McIntoshes, loser. We pick to win where I come from. But you do have to be subtle, lest some helicopter parents accuse you of making things not “fair” and you’re banned from all the apple cider donuts.

  • Plan ahead. If you’re going just for “fun,” whatever, but if you actually want the good apples that means knowing which weeks are their peak seasons. Being prepared is never rude.
  • Get one of those picker sticks that looks like a lacrosse thingy. I don’t know what they’re called but you know what I’m talking about. They give them out at the orchards so it’s totally fair game.
  • Learn to climb for those apples on the insides of the tree no one can reach.
  • If you see a child reaching for an apple, let them struggle. It’ll build character. But do tell their parents the kid is adorable so no one gets suspicious.
  • Know how much you need, and don’t take more than that. Apple picking is about quality, not quantity. Okay, it’s a little about quantity, but be careful otherwise you’ll end up with 20 pounds of apples, which turns into 20 pounds of applesauce when you can’t eat them in time, which turns into 20 pounds of applesauce that stays in your freezer for a year because applesauce is sorta meh.
  • Don’t cut the cider line.