Category Archives: How To

What Is The Role Of Godparents?

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Growing up, I was a little jealous of people who had godparents who were friends of their parents. My godparents were an aunt and uncle, so I didn’t get any additional gifts or attention. And that sums up my understanding of godparents.

Just kidding. Though, in this day and age, a present at Christmas and maybe a fun outing or two is the most anyone expects out of a godparent after the baptism happens.

The most important role of a godparent, traditionally, is to participate in a child’s baptism. They participate to act as the voice of the child, since infants and small children cannot speak. They generally promise to oversee the child’s spiritual upbringing as well. Usually, one godparent of each sex is chosen: a godmother and a godfather, but sometimes more are chosen. Among the aristocracy, it was very common to ask members of the royal family to be godparents to a) show respect b) hope they will be helpful in the child’s life. This still continues- Queen Elizabeth has 29 godchildren, Prince Charles has 28 (Camilla’s son…), and Prince William has 4 already.

Some religious denominations have rules- Episcopalians must have a baptized Christian as a godparent and Catholics are supposed to have a baptized Catholic in good standing as godparent. Catholics are also not supposed to serve as godparents to non-Catholics (ha- tell that to my Catholic godmother. I was baptized Episcopalian.)

Some other expectations of godparents in the Christian faith:

  • Participation in or recognition of the other sacraments (first communion, confirmation, marriage, etc)
  • Modeling good Christian life
  • Helping support the parents in religious education

So, theoretically, you should choose someone who will really do this, rather than just a friend or relative you are close to. Of course all of this is moot if you are baptizing your child for tradition’s sake and aren’t actually interested in raising them actively Christian. Then, you and the godparents can decide what kind of relationship you are all interested in having with the child.

Many people assume that the godparents are also those who will care for the child in the event of the parents’ deaths. This can sometimes be the case, but the parents must site the guardians in their will, it isn’t automatic (especially if you have multiple children with different godparents!)

Amy Vanderbilt says that “once asked to serve as a godparent, a friend is virtually bound to accept.” Though, I would update this to say if there was no religious (or anti-religious) reason preventing you from accepting. Then she says that the godparent should present the child with an heirloom-type gift that can be passed down- her example from one of her own children was “an engraved Sheffield hot-water plate, fine for keeping his baby food hot but also fine for the time he begins entertaining in his bachelor quarters. The plate will be excellent for hot hors d’oeuvres.”

Do you have godparents? Do you want your children to have godparents? Tell me more in the comments!

Sushi Etiquette

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Candy sushi is my kind of sushi [Via]

Candy sushi is my kind of sushi [Via]

I don’t even like sushi that much, so I might not be the best person for this, but when has that ever stopped me? Where we lived in California growing up, there was a sushi place that had a bar with a little channel of water and the sushi came by on little boats. It was great and I don’t know why more places don’t do it.

Luckily, most Americans will never go to Japan so we can enjoy sushi like the heathens that we are in nice, moderately priced Japanese restaurants. Or even better, via Seamless in the privacy of our own homes. However, if you want to show off your good manners or start planning a trip to see that guy in Jiro Dreams of Sushi, here are some tips:

Basic tips:

  • Don’t rub your chopsticks together because it implies that they are cheap. While you are at it, also don’t stand them up right in a bowl of rice (or anything else) because it is considered bad luck.
  • Don’t ask if something is fresh or ask for what’s fresh because it insults the chef that it isn’t all fresh.
  • Do eat sushi (the items with rice) with your fingers. Only eat sashimi (just fish) with chopsticks.
  • Do dip the fish side of nigiri (rice with fish on top) into the soy sauce, never the rice side, as that picks up too much soy sauce.
  • Do try to eat each piece in one bite (might be more difficult in some places, so two bites is okay too)
  • The pickled ginger shouldn’t be put on any sushi, but rather eaten between pieces as a palate cleanser.
  • Better sushi places put exactly the right amount of wasabi already on the sushi, so you shouldn’t add it to your soy sauce (except for sashimi)
  • If you order soup and aren’t giving a spoon, drink it from the bowl

Advanced tips:

  • Sit at the sushi bar and order your sushi directly from the chef (get drinks and sides from the waiter)
  • Eat each piece directly as the chef hands it to you because it is at it’s peak and will taste the best
  • Order omakase which is the chef’s choice if you are adventurous. However, it’s a bit rude to leave food on your plate, so be aware of how hungry and experimental you are.

How to Decant Port

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Growing up, one of my favorite things to do was watch my dad decant port and other old wines. Not only because I was a strange child who grew up to run an etiquette website, but also because it was a big production with glassware and candles and expensive wine! Luckily, when I was home for Christmas, my dad was kind enough to go through it with me and let me take pictures for your edification.

The reason why you have to decant port and certain other good wines is that it should be fairly old and thus will have accumulated a lot of sediment which you don’t want to drink. So the idea is that you pour it very slowly into another container, such as a decanter while shining a light through the bottle and you stop pouring when you see the sediment start to approach.

Photo courtesy Victoria Pratt

Photo courtesy Victoria Pratt

First, you need to collect everything you need: your port (which should have been set upright for at least several hours if not days prior to let the sediment sink to the bottom), your decanter (or a jar or other container), a candle, and a funnel (you can use any kind, it doesn’t have to be a fancy silver one).

Photo courtesy Victoria Pratt

Photo courtesy Victoria Pratt

Photo courtesy Victoria Pratt

Photo courtesy Victoria Pratt

Second: Position the bottle over the candle so you can see through the glass into what is happening inside.

Photo courtesy Victoria Pratt

Photo courtesy Victoria Pratt

Third: Pour slowly and watch for sediment. Get a bigger candle if you need to.

Photo courtesy Victoria Pratt

Photo courtesy Victoria Pratt

Four: Stop when you start to see a lot of sediment coming out. Optional: filter the remainder through a coffee filter into a glass so you can see just how much gross sludge isn’t getting into the nice port you will be drinking! (It’s hard to tell in the picture but there was SO MUCH you guys and it was all gooey!)

Photo courtesy Victoria Pratt

Photo courtesy Victoria Pratt

Five: Enjoy! If your decanter is made out of older crystal, it might have lead in it, so it should be drunk right away and not stored long term!

 

If you are looking for more dad content, Jaya’s book (co-written with Matt Lubchansky), Dad Magazine, comes out April 26!

How To Observe Drynuary Politely

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Me after a week

Have you heard of Drynuary? Admittedly it is a terrible portmanteau, but it is the act of not drinking for the entire month of January. It’s been around for a while and the reasons to participate are varied, and this year I decided to give it a shot. If anything, it’s a fun experiment in losing water weight while double checking that I can in fact decline a drink.

We’ve already talked about how not to be a dick to your sober friends, but in the few days I’ve participated in Drynuary I’ve noticed how incredibly easy it is to be smug about it. And oh MAN does being smug feel good. You can get drunk off your own superiority! But, like anything, it’s pretty rude to shove your choices into someone else’s face. So here are some tips on how to get through the month without being a jerk.

  1. Talk about it within reason. If you drink regularly, your drinking habits are bound to come up. Someone is bound to notice your refusal of booze at a party or that you’re only ordering Diet Coke with dinner. If you’re a woman, this may even be paired with the assumption that you’re pregnant, lucky you! You can always say “I don’t feel like drinking tonight,” and if you’re with someone you see often, you should feel free to say that you’re not drinking for the month. It’s quite possible you’ll get into a natural conversation about your motivations, but don’t start lecturing anyone. The concept of not drinking is not new, you don’t need to explain it.
  2. Literally no one cares what’s in your glass. I spent my first party of January (a post-NYE hangover party at a friend’s house, with bagels and Advil) drinking seltzer out of a red solo cup. Other people were drinking mimosas. I have to admit, it was very tempting to point out that I was doing Drynuary, either to explain that I wasn’t drinking for a reason, or I guess just to seem different. Neither are good looks. Probably no one noticed I was drinking seltzer, and if they assumed it was a gin and tonic that has no impact on me.
  3. Complaining! There are people who think complaining about any voluntary endeavor is annoying, and those people can die in a fire. Plenty of things we choose to do are also frustrating, like moving and learning how to apply liquid eyeliner and raising kids and keeping plants alive. Venting is necessary! So yes, if you find yourself really wishing you could pour yourself a glass of wine after a hard day at work, text your friends or tweet or instagram like “uuuuugh I wish this ginger ale were champagne.” However, be sure it’s not all you end up talking about. If you’re doing nothing but complaining, at that point you may as well not do it at all. (This goes for eyeliner and children as well.)
  4. Do not compare this to actual addiction and recovery. I have no idea about actual statistics, but I’m sure there have been some people who have tried Drynuary, had a really hard time, and it made them realize maybe they had more of an alcohol dependence than they realize and they sought help. It’s good when people seek help for addiction. The rest of us will likely be returning to a lifestyle that involves consuming alcohol come February 1, so do not act like giving up alcohol for a month is akin to entering rehab or some huge trial.
  5. On hosting. This may be a controversial stance, so please let me know if you feel differently! (Kindly.) If I’m invited to dinner at the home of someone I know doesn’t drink ever, I do not bring wine, nor do I expect to be offered any. If I’m invited to dinner at the home of someone I know isn’t drinking for a little bit, I maybe expect they’ll have some extra beer around I can finish. Maybe not, but if you’re hosting and you know your friends like to drink, provide.

Giving the Benefit of the Doubt

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Just be like Bob and chill out.

Just be like Bob and chill out.

If you read a lot of etiquette columns and websites like I do, you probably enjoy seeing all the terrible etiquette faux pas people commit and cringing.

However, you might start to notice a creep of people automatically jumping to the worst conclusion- that the people committing the faux pas are boors who are acting incorrectly out of spite to purposefully hurt or offend the innocent person who is writing into the advice column.

I think that it is important to remember that a lot of etiquette blunders are committed out of ignorance rather than purposeful spite and that since a part of etiquette means not countering rudeness with more rudeness, we need to give the benefit of the doubt and just roll with things more. Unless someone repeatedly does that same thing after being told that their actions are hurtful.