Author Archives: Victoria Pratt

Don’t Send Your Bridal Party to the Poor House

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I feel like this will be my most used image.

I feel like this will be my most used image.

I read this recent post over at A Practical Wedding with my jaw dropped and my pearls clutched. Basically, a reader wrote in that she had agreed to be a bridesmaid in her friends wedding and when she found out that the dresses the bride had her eye on for the bridesmaids were $7,000-15,000 she told the bride she couldn’t afford that and would bow out of being a bridesmaid, the bride flipped out and disinvited her from the wedding altogether and ended their 15 year friendship.

Regardless of whether this rings true or not, this is appallingly bad behavior on the brides part. The letter writer did the right thing 100%- she brought up her budget and said that the dress wouldn’t work for her and that if the bride was set on the dress, she was happy to bow out. She could have even suggested a cheaper option and still been fine.

It is absolutely not okay for a) a bride to pick out a dress without taking her bridesmaids budgets into account, especially given that one option could easily account for 1/2 of someone’s take home pay and b) berate that bridesmaid c) end a friendship over someone having to drop out of being a bridesmaid for financial reasons.

Honestly, if a $15,000 dress seems like a reasonable expense to you, you should pony up and pay for your bridesmaid’s dresses yourself!

Frankly, the bridesmaid has dodged a bullet. Can you imagine what the bride would have wanted for her bachelorette???

What’s the most unreasonable wedding expense that has ever been asked of you?

Is It Polite to Use a Napkin Ring?

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Luckily I happened to have a photo of some of my family napkin rings.

Luckily I happened to have a photo of some of my family napkin rings.

A napkin ring is a simple thing- some kind of shape with a hole in it that you put a napkin into. These days, people use them for decorative purposes and have matching ones all up and down the table. Of course this is completely fine.

However, in the past, napkin rings were soley for family meals and used to identify each person’s napkin (as they were reused for several meals before being washed.)

In 1922, Emily Post said in Etiquette: “Napkin rings are unknown in fashionable houses outside of the nursery. But in large families where it is impossible to manage such a wash as three clean napkins a day entail, napkin rings are probably necessary. In most moderately run houses, a napkin that is unrumpled and spotless after a meal, is put aside and used again for breakfast; but to be given a napkin that is not perfectly clean is a horrid thought. Perhaps though, the necessity for napkin rings results in the achievement of the immaculate napkin—which is quite a nice thought.”

This is why engraved silver napkin rings were a popular present- everyone’s ring had their initials, making them easily identifiable. My family is WASPY enough that I have a monogramed napkin ring of my very own even though the practice of using napkin rings was dying out by 1985 and we mostly used paper napkins anyway.

Did your family use napkin rings and/or reuse cloth napkins? Is it very common to have monogrammed napkin rings or is this another ridiculous thing that I think is normal?

What Is a Stirrup Cup?

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It sounds like…a cup shaped like a stirrup?

Actually, it is a time for drinks before a hunt (like the fancy kind on horses with top hats), when everyone’s feet are already in their stirrups, hence the name! The traditional thing to drink was port or sherry. Remember how I wrote about how Scarlet is basically an etiquette manual? She goes to a hunt and participates in the stirrup cup in the book.

Apparently, even further back, anyone setting off on a journey on horseback would get a drink before departing.

It is also the name for the type of cup used for the event, often shaped like a fox or other animals. Commonly, the cup would end in a point because it was for drinking, not setting down! And servants would carry the cups around in a special tray with holes in it to pass them out to the guests.

You Catch More Flies With Honey Than With Vinegar

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Often, when interacting with other people in a situation where you feel wronged, it is easy to get upset and start shouting or otherwise behaving rudely. Of course, it can be frustrating to have a store employee enforce a policy that was never in effect before, or maybe they usually do a specific thing for you and this time they won’t. Shouting and getting angry is absolutely not going to improve the situation. The ONLY way to possibly turn it in your favor is to be very calm and polite (and often, be willing to accept that you aren’t going to get what you want.)

For example, did you know that, according to the agreements they sign with credit card companies, stores are not allowed to require you to show your ID when using a credit card? They can ask, but you can refuse and they still have to accept it. However, many of the employees of these stores are not aware of this. They have just been told that customers have to show ID as per store policy. So if you REALLY care about not showing your ID, you need to calmly explain why you don’t have to show your ID rather than jumping right into yelling and name calling. Heck, print out something from the internet that explains it to give to the cashier and carry it in your bag to hand out. Or do better and write a letter to management asking them to educate their employees.

Have you ever yelled at a retail store employee? Do you feel bad about it? Did you witness it and still cringe? Tell me in the comments.

Curb Your Dog

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If I had this beautiful doggie, I would teach it to pee in the street. [Via Wikimedia Common]

If I had this beautiful doggie, I would teach it to pee in the street. [Via Wikimedia Common]

I didn’t grow up with a dog, so it took me years and years to figure out what “curb your dog” meant. It’s such an awkward phrase that I’m sure it takes a lot of people a long time to figure it out. It simply means to direct your dog to do it’s business in the street, over the curb, as it were.

There are a lot of reasons for this- often dogs with go on people’s lawns or flower beds and this can kill the plants. Or, as my stoop in Brooklyn can attest, urine can actually make paint peel if many dogs are going on the same spot. And if you live in an area with a lot of dogs, you’ll probably notice the fingerpaint-like streaks of feces on the sidewalk since oftentimes the owner can’t get all of it up into the bag. When the dog uses the gutter, it minimizes the damages to plants and the cleanliness of the area.

Obviously this is one of those things where you just need to do your best most of the time, but it really will make a big difference.