Dear Uncommon Courtesy,

My fiance and I are in the early stages of planning our wedding, and the date we’re shooting for happens to be the 30th birthday of one of the girls I want to ask to be a bridesmaid. She said it’s fine, but I still sort of feel bad. Now, I’m debating on whether or not we should still aim for that day, and if we do, if we should do something special to celebrate for her. Any ideas?

Sincerely,

Milestone Madness

OFFICIAL ETIQUETTE

The Emily Post Institute suggests acknowledging any birthdays at a rehearsal dinner, but that they shouldn’t stop you from celebrating your wedding. Apparently some people are really opinionated about this.

OUR TAKE

Victoria: It’s a slippery slope once you start taking things like that into account. Then you have to check with EVERYBODY before you do anything and it’ll drive you crazy.

Jaya: It’s not as intense as this because bridesmaids may be a bit different, but we had two cousins’ birthdays on our wedding day! They were both totally fine with it. I mean, there are only 365 days in a year, it’s always going to be someone’s birthday/anniversary/something.

Victoria: Exactly.

Jaya: I think you should make sure your immediate family is all good, but after that it might get too hectic. Though it’s good she asked. I feel like if a good friend got married on my birthday and asked me I’d be totally fine, but if they just planned it without getting my okay first, I’d be annoyed. I have no justification for why I feel like this though.

Victoria: That makes total sense. And especially for this, since it’s a big birthday, you want to make sure they don’t have anything planned!

Jaya: I think there may be some reading between the lines to be done here too. Like, is this the type of friend who is totally honest about this stuff? Or will say it’s fine when it’s not fine? And then, how much do you care?

Victoria: But wouldn’t you feel so terrible if someone planned their WEDDING around your birthday? You have a birthday every year! Plus you can tell all these strangers its your birthday and get a lot of well wishes.

Jaya: I mean, getting dressed up and having an open bar on my birthday? Score.

Victoria: And as an adult, you can celebrate your birthday that whole week too. Hurricane Sandy ruined our birthdays one year, and we just celebrated later. It was fine.

Jaya: And if she seems the type to be miffed that the attention is not on her on her birthday, put candles in her cake or something. I do wonder about the type of person who would get furious at this though.

Victoria: It shows a lack of maturity to me. That’s the type of person who thinks the world revolves around them, and I’m not interested in their opinions anyway.

Jaya: What dates do you think are off limits? Like, I would not get married on a close relative’s anniversary. Though a friend of a friend got married on her parents anniversary. Is that something that’s done?

Victoria: Maybe not your parents anniversary. Grandparents could work though. I actually figured out which years my grandparents’ anniversaries fell on Saturdays. For entertainment.