There is a great debate in some circles about whether it is rude or not to ask your guests to take off their shoes when visiting your house. On the one side are people who are worried about germs and dirt on their floors and rugs. On the other are a) people who don’t like taking off their shoes and b) people who think it comes across as scolding your guests and insinuating that they are dirty and germy. And everyone remembers the Sex and the City episode where Carrie didn’t want to take off her expensive shoes at a party because they were part of her outfit and they ended up being stolen. Today we tackle this important topic.
Miss Manners: Suggests volunteering to take your shoes off if they are wet and muddy. As a host, you should be so excited to see people that you don’t even notice what their feet are doing, however, it is certainly very polite to be concerned about their welfare and sitting around with wet shoes on.
Emily Post Institute: Says it is the host’s right to ask you to take your shoes off, but suggests letting people know in advance so they can bring slippers or socks or something. However, they make exceptions for people you don’t know well and big parties- let people keep their shoes on in those instances.
Jaya: I mean obviously if someone asks you to take off your shoes in their house, do it.
Victoria: Yessssssss, but….I think there are some circumstances that can come into play.
Gross story time! I once had a plantar wart on my foot and I told my host I could not take off my shoes because it was gross and no one needed to see that. And some people have foot problems that require them to wear shoes.
Jaya: Ahhh true. And gross! How should they handle that if they go into a house where they know they’re expected to remove their shoes? Wear socks?
Victoria: Well, in many cultures where the shoe removal thing is required, the host will often have little slippers for guests to use. And I have read that in places where shoe removal is a practicality because of mud and slush and stuff, people will bring clean shoes with them and change into them from their street shoes.
Oh and of course we can’t talk about this without discussing the Sex and the City episode where Carrie has to take off her shoes at a party and then they get STOLEN!
Jaya: Yup! Stolen shoes is a big thing in India, I know, when you’re supposed to remove your shoes before going into temple.
Victoria: Oh yeah, don’t little kids hang out at the Taj Mahal and offer to guard your shoes for money?
Jaya: Yup, which is why I wore flip flops and put them in my bag.
Jaya: I mean most temples people are a lot more respectful, but yeah, in the tourist traps that stuff happens.
Victoria: I’m sure. You were telling me before about how you feel like guests are comfortable if they don’t take their shoes off at your house?
Jaya: Yeah. I don’t require people to take off their shoes in my house, but I get uncomfortable more in a sense that I want them to be comfortable, and you always look like you’re ready to leave if you still have your sneakers on. Though it’s different for fancy parties if your shoes are a real part of your outfit. But I do cringe sometimes if I have a party and everyone is wearing heels because I feel bad for my downstairs neighbors.
Victoria: Hahahah, too bad neighbors! Yeah, I agree about the comfort and the party shoes, I tend to feel the same way.
So I grew up in a part of California that had a really large Asian population and it was interesting to me how the cultural custom of taking off your shoes trickled down to everyone else.
Almost all of my friends would automatically take off their shoes as soon as they entered ANYONE’S house, which i haven’t really noticed anywhere else. At places I do take my shoes off, like your house, I usually walk in, and put my other stuff down first.
Jaya: Oh yeah. My grandma is big on taking off your shoes, so I always do that first in her house. But with other people I generally put down my stuff first, not leave the shoes outside or anything.
Victoria: Yeah, exactly. I think that basically, unless you have a good reason, if you see everyone else doing it, you should go with it. And if you are a host and you prefer that people take their shoes off, its fine to say so, but you shouldn’t push it with someone who doesn’t want to for whatever reason.
Jaya: Did you ever see that Seinfeld episode where George’s dad had a girlfriend in Korea but couldn’t marry her because he wouldn’t take off his shoes?
Jaya: There’s a running joke that he won’t take his shoes off in front of anyone and it ruined his relationship. So you know, keep that realistic account in mind.
Victoria: Haha yeah, exactly, unless shoes off are on are a major relationship deal breaker for you.
Jaya: What about…foot odor?
Victoria: I don’t know! I guess that could be a good reason to not take your shoes off or make sure you wear or bring socks. And, hey, if someone is forcing you to take their shoes off, they have to deal with the consequences.
Jaya: Hahaha gooood point.