The other day, while on our various rounds to wedding websites because we like to see how things are done, we stumbled upon YET ANOTHER person saying something along the lines of “well whatever, even Miss Manners says you have up to a year after the wedding to send thank you notes.” We’ve addressed this before. Miss Manners has called it “slander.” (FYI she says: “It is a popular young brides’ tale (as opposed to an old wives’ tale) that one can take up to a year writing thank-you letters for wedding presents.This is not true, and never has been. Thank-you notes are due right after presents are received.”) And yet the myth persists. Today, we try to figure out just who the hell is perpetuating it.
Victoria: First off, Miss Manners is the STRICTEST etiquette expert. She doesn’t even like registries and will call it a “shopping list.” She pretty much thinks you should psychically figure out what people are getting you and send the note ahead of time so it arrives the same time the gift does, lol.
Jaya: Yeah, and that’s insane. But now I’m worried. If enough people think that you have a year, is that gonna become the rule? Hahah “worried.” Obviously there are bigger issues, but still.
Victoria: I mean, we can only do so much.
Jaya: I personally do not care about settling on a specific time frame. I’ve gotten letters late and it’s been perfectly fine (more on that in another post). I’m just frustrated that people seem to get tied up in the rules and forget about looking at this from a common sense perspective. Waiting a year to send thank you notes just does not make sense. Would you feel very thanked and appreciated if you got a note a year later?
Victoria: Exactly. Besides, then you just have them hanging over your head for a year.
Jaya: I’m guessing if you’re the type of person to think a year is ok, you wouldn’t feel like it’s “hanging over your head.” I mean maybe they are, but I always felt like if you really wanted to thank someone, you’d do it quickly whether “etiquette” says so or not.
Victoria: Yeah! Like why would you bother sending thank you notes a year after the wedding? At that point no one even remembers, and the people who do are already mad at you about it.
Jaya: Hahahahaha. Ok, so where the hell did this idea that you have a year came from?
Victoria: I think it came from the idea that you do, technically, have a year to send a gift, and people got confused about what you had a year to do. And if someone sends you a gift 8 months later, you are going to be sending out that thank you note 8 months after the wedding. But not for gifts that got there around the wedding! Although, I feel that waiting a year to give a gift is kind of dumb too.
Jaya: Yeah, that seems impractical.
Victoria: On the other hand, maybe it’s wise to wait—especially if you are going to a celeb wedding—they might be divorced by the time you get around to it.
Jaya: MISS MANNERS MADE THAT SAME QUIP ABOUT CELEBRITIES AND QUICK MARRIAGES!
Victoria: I have been reading her column regularly.
Jaya: Maybe it’s that people planning weddings are looking for any excuse not to have to do something.
Victoria: Haha yeah, but that’s a total bridezilla move, to write off something for the courtesy and happiness of your guests/loved ones in order to make something easier for yourself.
Jaya: I have noticed another trend of waiting to send thank you notes so you can include photos. Most of the ones I’ve gotten 4-5 months out have prints of the bride/groom and any of me that the photographer managed to snap. Which is nice, but there is also no reason why you can’t do both.
Victoria: I honestly think most people would prefer a plain old thank you note on time to stewing for 6 months waiting for a photo- which 75% of the guests will throw away. And with a picture of the bride and groom, unless you are super close- what are you going to do with it???
Jaya: Yeah! I am not gonna have my 2nd cousin’s wedding photo framed in my apartment.