My question is actually sort of similar to the one y’all just posted about wedding invitation snubs, but a little different. Okay, so one of my oldest friends is getting married, and she initially told me at least one side of my family (Mom vs Dad) would be invited, but maybe not both because they are divorced. I told her they are fine in the same room, and by the end of that convo it sounded like both would be invited. Since both parents have known this friend basically her whole life, they were pretty much expecting to be invited. I received my invitation a month ago, but neither of my parents received one. Everyone is a bit disappointed and hurt, and I don’t know what to tell them. I should also note that my sister falls under both my mom and dad, so I assumed she would be invited one way or another. For all I know all of this is actually an oversight, but is rude me to ask my friend if that’s the case? Is there a way that I can find out what happened without stressing out my friend and making her feel bad? Also, should I ask about my sister specifically?
Confused About Invitations
You can’t assume you will be invited to a wedding until you receive a save the date or an invitation. Note for brides and grooms- don’t go around willy nilly verbally saying you will invite people to your wedding until you are SURE that they will be on the guest list. It is also generally considered rude to ask about invitations.
Victoria: Ok, this question is basically “My friend said she was inviting my parents to her wedding and then didn’t.”
Jaya: Right. Oy. So, anyone getting married, do not say someone is invited unless they are 100% invited! Like, I’m sure she thought it was 100% and it turned out not to be.
Victoria: Yeah, I feel like this is a major rookie mistake.
Jaya: Haha “rookie.” There’s an etiquette league.
Victoria: Yes and we are the refs. But just to act like “of course they are invited” and then boom there’s no room, is a pretty big mistake. I asked the writer for a follow up and it turns out the bride ended up not being able to invite anyone’s parents.
Jaya: Oooh interesting. So yeah, this seems like she had an idea of what her wedding was gonna be like, was very vocal about it, and then circumstances made it not possible. Which happens.
Victoria: And I think thats fine mostly. I mean, do people really enjoy attending weddings of random people? Like your kids’ friends?
Jaya: I mean, it sounds like they weren’t random. And omg they do.
Victoria: You know about all this now!
Jaya: Everything I’ve heard from my fiance’s family friends is that they LOVE attending the weddings of their friends’ kids. I mean, weddings can be fun, I get it, and this seems like they’re super close family friends? It at least sound like the reader’s parents have their own relationship with the bride.
Victoria: Yeah probably.
Jaya: But anyway, as much as this sucks, there is not really anything to get upset about. Because even though her parents thought/assumed there was an invite coming, they were never formally invited.
Victoria: True! You just have to be gracious.
Jaya: You can get upset that you weren’t invited, but it’s not like the invitation was rescinded. And no one is obligated to invite you to their wedding. And while it’s not rude to ask about it, I’m not sure asking the bride about it is going to do any good.
Victoria: She says she ended up not even having to ask because it came up in conversation at the bachelorette party with everyone. But yeah, and I wouldn’t do it with someone I wasn’t so close to, but if you are a bridesmaid, I feel like you have a bit more leeway as long as you frame it as being curious, not accusatory.
Jaya: I think on all sides, don’t talk about things like invitations a lot unless you’re entirely sure you’re invited, or the other party is invited. Even if she made it seem “very likely,” that is not a guarantee. And don’t ever expect invitations to things like this. It is so personal. Unless you’re like, the groom’s mom or something. And even then maybe your son just wants to elope!