Wedding Invitation Hack

Posted on by

2

Earlier this week, I talked about rude lifehacks. But I was also reminded this week about a cool invitation thing that I wanted to share- you can send your wedding invitation to certain important people and get a response, with the most popular being The President of the United States and Mickey Mouse!

Okay, technically you no longer need to send an actual invitation to the President- they have a handy form online that you can fill out for a wide variety of milestones- baby’s birth, major birthdays, Eagle Scout/Girl Scout Gold awards, etc. You can find it here. Note, this service is available to US citizens only.

For a response to Mickey and Minnie Mouse, send it to:

Guest Letters

Letters to Mickey Mouse

P.O. Box 10040

Lake Buena Vista, FL 32830-00100

 

If you are a British citizen (or Canadian, Australian, or New Zealander), the Queen will send you a greeting for a milestone birthday (and they mean serious milestones- 100+ only) or wedding anniversary (starting at 65 years!) but (not for a wedding). Find the form here.

 

And if you have a deceased loved one who is a Veteran of the United States, you can find information about requesting a flag here.

 

Rude Lifehacks

Posted on by

1

Lifehacks are that fun internet thing where someone comes up with a better way to do a thing that everyone does and makes everyone go WHOA! Like, if you take a cupcake and tear the bottom portion off and put it on top of the frosting, like a sandwich…that’s somehow better than eating it the normal way.

…some lifehacks are better than others.

The problem with lifehacks is when the hack is downright rude. I found a round up of lifehacks that had been shared on Reddit, that bastion of goodness and propriety, and some of them are shocking!

Many of them are full on illegal or unethical, cheating the system- like using blank Visa gift cards to make in flight purchases because the credit card scans aren’t processed until the plane lands.

However, many of them break etiquette in a particular way- they are something that might be okay if one person does it but if everyone did it, it would be impossible to get away with. This has actual real life repercussions- for example, student loans can’t be discharged through bankruptcy (mostly). Part of the reason why the law changed in the 1970s to disallow it was the fear that too many people would take the risk and declare bankruptcy when they didn’t really need to, early in life so that it wouldn’t affect them that much.

That’s an extreme example, but putting traffic cones in a parking space to hold it (winter snow parking excluded in some regions), is only going to work for one person. If everyone does it, then you’re going to see a sea of orange cones that no one pays attention to. Basically, you’re breaking the social contract and being a big jerk to everyone around you. And being a jerk is rude.

Separating Couples at Dinner Parties

Posted on by

1

I recently bought a copy of the incredibly fascinating The Rituals of Dinner by Margaret Visser, which is all about the origins of our customs surrounding dining and meals in Western culture, and I have great plans to share bits and pieces from it over time.

A tiny thing that Visser mentions is an intriguing piece of etiquette, which in my experience can be very controversial, the “rule” that at dinner parties couples (married ones, traditionally), should be split up in the seating arrangement. Previously my understanding of the reasoning for the rule was that couples talk to each other all the time and that it’s more fun for them to get to talk to other people for an evening (which, I think, is a totally fair interpretation of the rule).

However, Visser says that:

It has always been a rule of politeness that people in groups should show no favouritism. There must be no whispering in corners, no sharing of private jokes or blatant preferences for particular company; attention should be given to everyone present, as equally as possible. This is the reason why it is customary to separate engaged and married couples at table. Etiquette manuals remind us that dinner parties are for opening out towards other people; pairs or groups who do not want to do this should stay home.

Now, I’ve been to events where this was practiced, and been seated with the “outsider” (to the hosting group) spouses, and honestly, I think being separated from one’s partner really does make one stand on their own feet and have a conversation of their own rather than simply listen to their partner talk. Of course, this absolutely demands that everyone acknowledge the social contract of the dinner party to really give it your all in making conversation and trying to draw everyone in speaking distance into the conversation and not leaving anyone out. And as a somewhat anxious person (who has literally turned around at the door of an event and gone home because of nerves), I totally understand the urge to cling to the one person you know. But it really is a useful skill to be able to make “dinner party conversation” with anyone, on your own, because these situations do come up!

It should be noted that hosts also have the obligation to seriously look at their guest list and try to match up people who will have a good time talking to each other and hopefully will be able to draw useful social and business connections from the meeting. (Though the New York Times says that that particular kind of dinner party is dead and buried.)

Tell me in the comments if you’ve ever been separated from a partner at a party!

How Much Thanks Is Too Much Thanks?

Posted on by

1

Recently, we were discussing whether you could go overboard with thanking someone…

Jaya: Okay so the question is, is there ever a time where a thank you note is not appropriate or too much?
We’re always harping on how thank you notes are so great, but they do have a tendency to be Very Official and that can be weird for certain things

 

Victoria: That’s true. I think thank you notes can be weird for monumental gifts and services…like, they are so small in comparison, that they seem silly? Although, I guess, when my grandmother sent me my inheritance early, I think I sent a note but also called her (for me, calling her is a supreme gesture since we just…don’t talk on the phone).

 

Jaya: That’s a good point! Yeah, I think with large, generous gestures, especially with family, a phone call or in person thank you seems more meaningful. Like, I sent thank you notes to people who got me bowls for my wedding. This should be different than that.

 

Victoria: Haha yeah, exactly. And like, even aside from money gifts, like say someone came and stayed with you when you were sick for a period of time, or something. like…a thank you note is just not enough. And really, you aren’t GOING to be able to even really thank them in a way that is meaningful enough for what you received from them. Other than to sincerely thank them when it is occurring and hopefully be willing to do something similar for them.

 

 

Jaya: Right. I think that’s key, that this is all in service of conveying a deep emotion, which is a hard thing to make tangible. But to me, someone looking into my eyes and thanking me for something is always going to FEEL nicer than a note.
Victoria: Exactly. I like notes for wedding presents and stuff because it feels very formal for a formal exchange. But its very rote.

 

Jaya: Though, you bring up that nothing will ever be enough, which brings me to another pet peeve–people who will not stop thanking.

 

Victoria: Ughhh yeah, it’s very embarrassing.

 

Jaya: It seems like they understand that a note or a phone call is not enough, but try to make up for that by bringing it up all the time.

 

Victoria: Just be cool everyone.

 

Jaya: hahahaha

 

Victoria: No, I am serious though. It’s the same with taking compliments.

 

Jaya: Yes!

 

Victoria: Really and seriously try to bite your tongue and just say thank you the once.

 

Jaya: I mean, if anything, it just unnecessarily raises the bar. Then it makes people who only get one thank you from someone feel like that is somehow inadequate or in-genuine.

 

Victoria: That’s true.

 

Jaya: And also, I think it’s almost like saying “I’m sorry.” You’re not doing this to come off as a good person, you’re doing this to convey a specific feeling for the benefit of someone else. So just like, be sincere in your thanks and you won’t have to do it more than once.

 

Victoria: Agreed. Although, I think it can come up naturally sometimes- like with the Hamilton thing (ED: Jaya chipped in with a ton of people for Hamilton tickets for Victoria’s birthday), yeah, I thanked you guys at the time (and tried to thank everyone individually, in person) but then also specifically mentioned it when posting about it when it happened, and a few times when mentioning it to other people. But that feels organic, I guess?

 

Jaya: Oh totally. I’m not saying it has to be a hard and fast rule of ONE THANK YOU AND THAT’S IT. I think you nailed it, when it feels organic that’s fine. Instead of it coming out of an anxiety that you haven’t done enough.

 

Victoria: Haha yeah. I mean, I think the giver can feel the difference between joy and anxiety? Hence the be cool thing. When in doubt, say thank you once.

 

Jaya: Probably. Nobody is as smooth as they think they are, so if they send a note and call and bring it up twice in person, the giver is probably like “okay but you can chill now.”

 

Victoria: Hahaha I am smooth. But yeah, agreed.

 

Jaya: Well of course YOU’RE smooth. We’re talking about people without an extensive glove collection here.

 

Victoria: I am available for lessons for the low low price of $50 an hour, LOL.

 

Jaya: hahahahaha. Lessons on how to own gloves and thank people effectively, call Victoria.

How Being in a Sorority Prepared Me to Be a Bridesmaid

Posted on by

1

Last weekend, Jaya and I were bridesmaids in a college friend’s wedding. It was the first time I have been a bridesmaid, and it occurred to me that being a bridesmaid is a lot like being in a sorority (the bride happened to have been one of my sorority sisters). So these are the ways that being in a sorority prepares you to be a bridesmaid:

  • You are accustomed to wearing matching outfits (including teeshirts for the bachelorette).
  • You are used to walking and standing in heels for many hours.
  • You don’t blink at the suggestion to wear Spanx and/or pantyhose.
  • You are comfortable with all women events (for the shower, bachelorette, and getting ready the day of)
  • You know the value of a kit full of emergency supplies such as bandaids, medicine, Tide pens, sewing kits etc from long days of recruitment parties.
  • You know how to express extreme enthusiasm for EVERYTHING.
  • You are used to posing for group pictures.
  • You know how to deal with drama.
  • You can make conversation with people you have never met (people really like to talk to bridesmaids for some reason.)
  • You can (hopefully) hold your liquor and not embarrass yourself.
  • You know all the words to Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believing”
  • You can stay out on the dance floor for hours.
  • You are good at crafts (if necessary to help the bride DIY).
  • Theme parties make you happy.

Not all of these are unique to sorority women, of course, but there is an alarming amount of overlap, don’t you think?