Category Archives: How To

Some Polite New Year’s Resolutions

Posted on by

1

Pop some champagne and let’s resolve to be better people this year.
[via Wikimedia Commons]

While you are coming up with your 2014 New Year’s resolutions, why not consider resolving to be more polite and considerate in the coming year? You’re already ahead of the game by reading this website!

Some ideas:

  • Write thank you notes in a timely manner.
  • Be more aware of people who might need a seat on the subway and offer yours to them.
  • Be cheerful and polite when dealing with others, especially in the service industry. Say please and thank you.
  • Finally learn which bread plate is yours! (Hint, it’s on the left).
  • RSVP for every event you are invited to.
  • Maybe this year you will be on time for everything.

Tell us your New Year’s Resolutions (polite or otherwise) in the comments!

A Discussion of Gift Giving

Posted on by

0

Presents! [via Wikimedia Commons and GFDL]

For something as ubiquitous as gift giving at Christmas, there certainly are a lot of different ways to do it. We talked about some different ways we do gifts and the etiquette involved, but we would love to hear how you do gifts, in the comments!

Victoria: So Christmas is coming up, and that means buying presents!

Jaya:  Oh how do you do them? I mainly suck at giving gifts.

Victoria:  So I pretty much only buy stuff for my sister, my parents, and my grandmother. For all my friends, I do some kind of homemade thing. Last year I made jam. This year…I’m not telling because I haven’t given you yours yet!

Have you ever been in a group that did Secret Santas or like, a present exchange. or white elephant?

Jaya:  Some friends of mine and I actually do that, there’s this sort of automatic Secret Santa site that you put your names in and it assigns you someone. And it’s useful because instead of getting gifts for everyone you just have to do one person, so cheaper, and still nice. Last year I got two really good books, and I gave a cute vintage clutch.

Victoria:  Oooh that sounds awesome. I think if a friend group really wants to do more than token gifts, some kind of exchange is the way to go. It’s fun but it doesn’t cost TOO much money.

Jaya:  Exactly. I think we have like a $25 cap, but we’d probably stay within that anyway.

Victoria:  Yeah, then everyone gets something nice that they’d really enjoy but you don’t end up spending insane amounts of money on presents for people.

What do you think about a situation where one person gives another a present and doesn’t get a present in return?

Do you feel pressure to then go out and get one?

Jaya:  I mean, the nature of gifts is that they’re gifts, right? You give them out of love, not out of the expectation that you get another one.

Victoria:  Exactly!

Jaya:  Though with a holiday like Christmas, where the idea is gift giving, maybe that changes.

Victoria:  And I would feel terrible if my friends thought they had to get me something because I made them some jam.

I mean, its jam, it’s not a big deal.

And I do it because I like doing it!

Jaya:  But your jams are so good!

Victoria: Haha, thanks.

How do you open presents on Christmas morning in your family? Do you all tear in or do you open one at a time in turns?

Jaya:  We take turns, and draw it out. Basically you open your stockings as soon as you get up, and tear into that. And then we have breakfast, and then after breakfast is tree presents time.

Victoria:  Us too!!!

Jaya:  Aww yay! It was always torture waiting for breakfast to end as a kid but now I like waiting.

Victoria:  It always seemed the more “polite” way to me too, because then you have time to properly admire each gift and thank the giver.

Jaya:  Exactly. And easier to record things for thank you notes.

Victoria:  Exactly!

Jaya:  My grandma always kept the list, now my mom does.

The Great Merry Christmas versus Happy Holidays Debate

Posted on by

1

Happy Holidays is appropriately neutral, perfect for an elementary school sign. [ via Wikimedia Commons]

There is a great debate about whether it is rude to say Merry Christmas to everyone you meet in December because they might not celebrate Christmas, or it is rude to say Happy Holidays because it is too generic. So what is an uncommonly courteous person to do?

First off, quit lecturing people about your preferences! Laying into a poor cashier at Target for not using your preferred greeting (because they are psychic you know! And not at the beck and call of corporate regulations!) makes you a bad, rude person. Full stop.

Secondly, please expect that in fairly neutral environments like stores and businesses, people are going to go with the most neutral greeting possible. Also if you live in a fairly diverse city, you are probably want to stay on the neutral side with most people. 74% of Americans may be some variety of Christian (from heavily practicing to not-practicing-at-all), but that is not the case in places like New York City, so you are much more likely to run into people who don’t celebrate Christmas than in a small town where you know most of the people do. Even Miss Manners points out that Happy Holidays is perfectly reasonable given that almost everyone gets Christmas Day and New Years Day off from work, thus everyone should have happy holidays.

There is also no reason why you can’t keep your greeting neutral with strangers and deck the halls with all the Merry Christmases you want with people that you know celebrate. You don’t have to say the same thing all the time. It’s okay.

Also, I give people a break to say Merry Christmas on ACTUAL Christmas day. It’s one day and it’s a fact that it is indeed Christmas, just like someone saying Happy Solstice on the 21st or Happy Valentine’s Day on February 14, even if you don’t personally recognize those holidays. I think people are less bothered by it than if they have to hear Merry Christmas every day from Thanksgiving until December 25.

Tarot Card Etiquette with Jolie Kerr

Posted on by

3

51193491_2Look, I don’t care how much you think tarot cards are bullshit, or how sad you think that neon “tarot readings” sign looks in the 2nd floor of that apartment building over the chinese takeout place, or that you don’t get Stevie Nicks’s fashion. If that’s how you think you just probably were never a teenage girl who saw Practical Magic and then started buying all the incense and “spell books” she could at Barnes & Noble, and for that I’m truly sorry.

The thing is tarot is great.

Victoria and I went to college in New Orleans, where opportunities for tarot card readings, fortune telling, and more abounded in Jackson Square. Of course, at 19 we were too intimidated to speak to these women, with their candles and velvet and “do I look like I give a shit if you stop at my booth?” stares. But that’s because we didn’t have the wonderful Jolie Kerr around to tell us what’s what about tarot readings.

Though she’s best known as A Clean Person, Kerr also dabbles in the tarot arts, and we sat down with her to talk about how to get a tarot reading. First rule? Don’t be scared. “Tarot is not fortune telling. What it does is tell you a story based on a question you have in mind. But you can still change the outcome. Nothing is set in stone.” However, if you are a bit nervous, mention that to the person doing your reading so they can take it into account. Also, don’t freak out if you see a card with a scary or violent motif, as most cards are not literal. For instance, pulling “The Tower” (which depicts people falling from a burning building) usually is a sign of a change ahead, not that you will fall from a burning building.

So how do you get a tarot reading? Since this is an art based on intuition, Kerr suggests using your gut. “If you get a sense that someone is trying to rip you off, they probably are. If they don’t look like they know what they’re doing, they probably don’t.” Take a second to talk to them, and see if you feel comfortable. After all, what you’re going for is having a conversation about your life, so you’re going to want to feel comfortable opening up a bit.

Once you’re doing your reading, be sure to follow directions, and do not touch the cards until you’re instructed to. It’s also a good idea to wash your hands before touching the cards, out of respect, and just because a lot of people are probably touching that deck. In general, respect is the name of the game, as it is with many religious or spiritual practices. “If you come in not taking it seriously, you’re wasting both yours and the reader’s time. You may not really believe in it, but try to be open minded, even if just for that moment.”

As for payment, if the reader has prices posted then that’s that, but if they don’t it’s up for debate. Like with most instances of haggling, you can go lower but not too low. For instance, “if you have a friend with you, and the reader says it’s $35 a reading, offer $40 for both of you,” says Kerr. And as for tip? “I think readers would probably feel tipping is disrespectful, though if you have someone you regularly go to, you can tip them on Christmas, or the winter solstice.”

There is a tarot reader who set up shop in a shack next to a mechanic up my block, and thanks to Kerr, I will no longer fear going there! Ok, I still will, but not because I’m worrying about tipping.

Like us on Facebook, follow us on Twitter! Got an etiquette question or funny story to share? Email us at info@uncommon-courtesy.com.

Advanced Table Manners

Posted on by

2

goopsWith Thanksgiving coming up, you might want to check out our post on basic table manners just to refresh your memory. If you are going to a REALLY fancy Thanksgiving, here are some more advanced table manners to keep in mind.

The Many Forks

First off, it is extremely rare that you will actually be faced with the terrifying array of silverware the novice believes to be the key to etiquette. We have eaten at some of the finest restaurants in the country and have always been provided with exactly the right utensils for each course. The most you will ever see at one time is two forks. However, in general, you will want to work your way from the outside towards the plate. So if you have a salad fork and a regular fork, the salad fork is on the left and you use it first.

American vs Continental Styles

Americans hold their fork in their right hand tines up. They also hold their knife in their right hand and switch the fork to the left tines down to cut things. Then the knife is put down on the plate while using the fork.

Europeans hold their fork in their left tines down and knife in the right and never put either down.

Both are correct. Interestingly, the American style is the older style that the original colonists brought with them from England, the Continental style developed later.

Finger Bowls

If a finger bowl is provided, you lightly dip your fingers in the bowl and then wipe them on your napkin or the cloth provided.

Napkin Rings

A soiled napkin is not returned to the napkin ring unless it is to be reused for another meal. In that case, the napkin ring serves as a marker of whose napkin belongs to whom.

Spooning Soup

Soup should actually be spooned away from you, and the bowl should be tipped away from you as well when getting the last bit. Presumably this is supposed to prevent you from splashing yourself.

Toasts

You do not drink toasts to yourself, just smile and say thank you when it’s done.

Condiments

Condiment jars should not be placed on the table, the condiment should be put in a little dish with a spoon.