Author Archives: Victoria Pratt

Some Polite New Year’s Resolutions

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Pop some champagne and let’s resolve to be better people this year.
[via Wikimedia Commons]

While you are coming up with your 2014 New Year’s resolutions, why not consider resolving to be more polite and considerate in the coming year? You’re already ahead of the game by reading this website!

Some ideas:

  • Write thank you notes in a timely manner.
  • Be more aware of people who might need a seat on the subway and offer yours to them.
  • Be cheerful and polite when dealing with others, especially in the service industry. Say please and thank you.
  • Finally learn which bread plate is yours! (Hint, it’s on the left).
  • RSVP for every event you are invited to.
  • Maybe this year you will be on time for everything.

Tell us your New Year’s Resolutions (polite or otherwise) in the comments!

Holiday Traditions and Etiquette

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A Bûche de Noël, the tastiest of logs[via Wikimedia Commons]

While holiday traditions are not etiquette, strictly speaking, they carry a lot of etiquette associations. After all, the only difference between trick or treating and begging is that one is sanctioned as a single evening of fun with a lot of etiquette rules and the other is considered pretty rude.

Christmas/the late December period has many old traditions, some of which have fallen out of favor. Here are some Christmasy traditions you may not be familiar with, with some etiquette pointers in case you find yourself faced with one.

Yule Log

The origin of the Yule Log is in Scandinavian midwinter festivals, providing lots of light which to drink by. It was imported to England and other northern European countries over time and became a symbol of Christmas. Traditionally, you would light the Yule Log with a scrap from the previous year’s Log. But you had to wash your hands first, as touching the Log with dirty hands was disrespectful. Then the log had to be kept burning for twelve hours- this could be difficult as no one was allowed to tend to the fire until everyone was done eating the lengthy Christmas feast.

These types of Yule Logs are uncommon today, however, the French make a delightful Christmas cake called a Bûche de Noël (Christmas Log), which is a cake that is decorated to look like a log. My personal favorite modern day Yule Log is the log that is burned on TV with Christmas carols playing (I grew up in a house without a fireplace, give me a break!) which I watch every Christmas morning.

Mistletoe

Everyone knows that if two people stand under some mistletoe, they must kiss. What you don’t know is that mistletoe was sacred to the Druids and when two enemies met under some, they had to stop fighting for one day. This eventually led to the custom of hanging it in a house and kissing beneath it in friendship or romance. While this can leads to lots of fun and frolicking, remember, if a person doesn’t want you to kiss them, don’t! Mistletoe be damned! Even Washington Irving wrote that every time mistletoe was used for kissing, one of the berries must be plucked from it and once the berries were all gone, no more kissing! Also beware mistletoe if you have pets in the house, because it can be poisonous to dogs and cats.

Boxing Day

Americans may be unfamiliar with Boxing Day, but it is still an official holiday in the United Kingdom, Australia, New Zealand, and Canada. And despite the name, it has nothing to do with throwing out the boxes your Christmas presents came in. Basically, Christmas gifts were exchanged between friends and family on Christmas day, and then people gave gifts to their servants and other people of the lower classes on December 26. There is a lot of dispute about the origin of the name, but most ideas revolve around putting money or goods into boxes as gifts. This practice does have a modern counterpart in holiday tipping (a topic far too huge to discuss in this particular post), but unfortunately, we don’t get a whole extra day off for it.

La Befana

I really love witches (obviously), so I was quite excited when I discovered that instead of Santa Claus, a witch brought presents to good little boys and girls in Italy. La Befana traditionally comes on January 6 (Epiphany) which is when the Three Wise Men arrived bearing gifts for baby Jesus. Apparently she drinks wine (don’t forget to leave some out for her!) and will sweep your floor, which to me, sounds way better than a fat dude eating all your milk and cookies.

The origin of La Befana is that she was a woman who gave the Three Wise Men shelter on their journey. They invited her to join them, but she declined. Later, having a change of heart, she set out to find the Wise Men and Baby Jesus with some small presents for the baby and her broom to help clean up. However, she never found them and has been searching for them ever since, leaving presents for the children on her way.

Christmas markets in Italy sell La Befana doll-decorations. I have one and I love that it can do double duty for Halloween AND Christmas.

The Real War on Christmas

Not a tradition, per se, but did you know that the Puritans heartily disapproved of Christmas as being frivolous (and rightly pointing out that December 25 had nothing to do with the birth of Jesus). When they Pilgrimmed it over to America-to-be, they brought the dislike with them and were able to ban Christmas entirely in Boston from 1659-1681, charging 5 shillings to anyone who seemed extra merry that day.

After the Revolutionary War, Christmas continued to be seen with some suspicion as being too English. In fact, the first session of Congress was held on Christmas Day in 1789.

BTW, Christmas wasn’t even a federal holiday until 1870 when President Grant was trying to find cheerful way to unify the North and South.

Tell me about your favorite holiday traditions in the comments!

The Great Merry Christmas versus Happy Holidays Debate

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Happy Holidays is appropriately neutral, perfect for an elementary school sign. [ via Wikimedia Commons]

There is a great debate about whether it is rude to say Merry Christmas to everyone you meet in December because they might not celebrate Christmas, or it is rude to say Happy Holidays because it is too generic. So what is an uncommonly courteous person to do?

First off, quit lecturing people about your preferences! Laying into a poor cashier at Target for not using your preferred greeting (because they are psychic you know! And not at the beck and call of corporate regulations!) makes you a bad, rude person. Full stop.

Secondly, please expect that in fairly neutral environments like stores and businesses, people are going to go with the most neutral greeting possible. Also if you live in a fairly diverse city, you are probably want to stay on the neutral side with most people. 74% of Americans may be some variety of Christian (from heavily practicing to not-practicing-at-all), but that is not the case in places like New York City, so you are much more likely to run into people who don’t celebrate Christmas than in a small town where you know most of the people do. Even Miss Manners points out that Happy Holidays is perfectly reasonable given that almost everyone gets Christmas Day and New Years Day off from work, thus everyone should have happy holidays.

There is also no reason why you can’t keep your greeting neutral with strangers and deck the halls with all the Merry Christmases you want with people that you know celebrate. You don’t have to say the same thing all the time. It’s okay.

Also, I give people a break to say Merry Christmas on ACTUAL Christmas day. It’s one day and it’s a fact that it is indeed Christmas, just like someone saying Happy Solstice on the 21st or Happy Valentine’s Day on February 14, even if you don’t personally recognize those holidays. I think people are less bothered by it than if they have to hear Merry Christmas every day from Thanksgiving until December 25.

Friday the Thirteenth and Superstition Etiquette

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Sir Winston!

How could you ever think this adorable face could cause you bad luck? (Photo courtesy Ellen Pratt)

Today is Friday the 13th, so we thought it would be fun to discuss etiquette and superstitions.

The most important rule for dealing with superstitions and superstitious people is that though superstitions can seem irrational, they are a big deal to the people who believe in them. So, don’t make fun of someone for their superstitions (making fun of people is bad manners any time!).

If you, yourself, have some superstitions, don’t feel that you have to hide them. However, don’t get angry if someone inadvertently does something like throw a black cat across your path. They probably don’t realize it will bother you. Be more concerned with why this person is running around with a sack full of black cats and throwing them everywhere.

Some etiquette related superstitions:

  • Some people consider it bad luck to give knives as a gift. Giving something that cuts can “sever” the relationship between the giver and the giftee. To avoid this happening, the giftee should “buy” the knives from the giver for a token amount, such as a penny. Some people will even include a penny with the knives for the giftee to give back. It’s pretty common, so don’t be surprised to find a penny in a set of gifted knives.

  • If you spill salt at the table, throw a pinch over your left shoulder to scare the devil away.

  • Opening an umbrella inside the house brings bad luck (or pokes someone’s eye out! Safety is an important part of etiquette rules).

  • Apparently some people think it is bad luck to sing at the table. This makes sense for etiquette since singing also prevents others from talking and is possibly annoying.

  • Drop a fork, a woman will visit. Drop a knife, a man will visit. Drop a spoon, a child will visit. Better change the sheets on the guest bed and be a good host!

For Americans, superstitions are quaint customs and don’t really influence etiquette all that much. Interestingly, in my research, it appears that in other countries, superstitions are much more influential on everyday etiquette.

  • In many Asian cultures, as white is the color of death, it is very important to never give gifts wrapped in white paper and to avoid white flowers.

  • In Greek Orthodox wedding ceremonies it is considered good luck to spit (fake spit!) on the bride as she comes up the aisle.

  • In Italy, the evil eye is a major superstition, especially for babies. If you compliment a baby, it is best to say “without the evil eye” afterwards so the mother doesn’t think you are cursing the baby.

  • In India, cash gifts on any occasion always have an extra note (51 rupees, 101 rupees…) to bring good luck.

  • In Ireland it’s bad luck to stumble in a graveyard; if you stumble and touch the ground you will die by the end of the year. If a pregnant woman steps on a grave her child will be born with a club foot, unless she kneels and makes a cross across her foot three times.

What do you think would be the right word for having a phobia of etiquette? Etiquetteaphobia? Postphobia? Seems like it’s a pretty common phobia, with all the bad manners out there!

 

Advanced Table Manners

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goopsWith Thanksgiving coming up, you might want to check out our post on basic table manners just to refresh your memory. If you are going to a REALLY fancy Thanksgiving, here are some more advanced table manners to keep in mind.

The Many Forks

First off, it is extremely rare that you will actually be faced with the terrifying array of silverware the novice believes to be the key to etiquette. We have eaten at some of the finest restaurants in the country and have always been provided with exactly the right utensils for each course. The most you will ever see at one time is two forks. However, in general, you will want to work your way from the outside towards the plate. So if you have a salad fork and a regular fork, the salad fork is on the left and you use it first.

American vs Continental Styles

Americans hold their fork in their right hand tines up. They also hold their knife in their right hand and switch the fork to the left tines down to cut things. Then the knife is put down on the plate while using the fork.

Europeans hold their fork in their left tines down and knife in the right and never put either down.

Both are correct. Interestingly, the American style is the older style that the original colonists brought with them from England, the Continental style developed later.

Finger Bowls

If a finger bowl is provided, you lightly dip your fingers in the bowl and then wipe them on your napkin or the cloth provided.

Napkin Rings

A soiled napkin is not returned to the napkin ring unless it is to be reused for another meal. In that case, the napkin ring serves as a marker of whose napkin belongs to whom.

Spooning Soup

Soup should actually be spooned away from you, and the bowl should be tipped away from you as well when getting the last bit. Presumably this is supposed to prevent you from splashing yourself.

Toasts

You do not drink toasts to yourself, just smile and say thank you when it’s done.

Condiments

Condiment jars should not be placed on the table, the condiment should be put in a little dish with a spoon.